a kernel what?

Test

2011-04-24T21:11:00.001+08:00

test

Where I am is who I am!

2010-03-03T22:56:00.002+08:00

The levels of comfort I experience in different arenas are truly varying. Friday will not be comfortable! It is just a little saddening that the image of the 1A I was acquainted with has deviated from my initial optimistic and hopeful cheerily painted picture early in J1. It is through no one's fault though... just the fault of differing foci (plural of focus?) and ambitions. And those are primary!

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd... not!

2010-01-26T22:43:00.003+08:00

This Youth for Christ stint will perhaps be one of the better things that will happen to me in life, am enjoying each long day as it comes (7.20am and I'm up!). Am delighting and growing in very nice company, a group of people whom I really admire/trust/respect. Army experience that will come (when, I'm not sure yet) will be oh so very different, but will just have to take it as it comes. Am tired, this is my update for the month. ^^

I've generally been in very high spirits in the 2010 that's past thus far, and it's been the newest year that I've been through up to this point - in the sense that I've had the most number of fresh experiences in the month of Jan that's past. (That's horribly worded but well...)

I am lazy to elaborate on these experiences because my mind is numbing hehe...

Anyway, please pray for the sustenance of my energy, health and enthusiasm for the next 7 wks. I also thank God for sparing me from a lot of possible hurt. I am so very grateful that he has gone ahead of me to spare my straw heart from being razed! Thank you Lord!

Will update again in Feb!

To distance before you discern

2009-12-26T23:01:00.002+08:00

I will admit I have had the most negative thoughts about people recently. I have come to dislike and to hate people with whom I have had contact in the weeks that have passed during the holidays. A good few of these people are people I have used to have a positive sentiment towards. It is unfortunate, I cannot help but experience an overbearing sense of negativity towards these people. Among these people are those I find excessively proud, guys who keep hitting on girls, people who seek to exclude others, people who think themselves sophisticated, and unappreciative people. These people, I find hard to like. Sigh. Of course I'd rather like these people, but it's so hard. I am not sure if I am acting out of contempt. Whatever it is, it is a sentiment that sticks and sticks hard for now - how to get rid of it?

There have been other things going through my mind too. Church is now a refuge!

Been long time

2009-12-14T16:54:00.003+08:00

Long time since I've exposed myself on cornroll, not that I haven't had anything to purge out of my system (yes, unfortunately thoughts I wish to share are usually more of the negative kind), but I just haven't had the opportunity to well, go to blogger.com. Ah, so here I am back on a lazy Monday afternoon, with really nothing else better to do. It's 5pm now, I've got an hour to excrete my verbal stools before I head downstairs to play pool with a neighbour. Day of rest today, first real day of my hols actually that feels like a holi-day, because of the sheer absence of activity and the lounging around I associate with holidays that has marked the day (which started proper at around 12pm by the way heh).

Will be away from Wednesday till Christmas for most of the days, because I have signed up for 2 church camps in my church to while away the time... in more fruitful manners and pursuits. To facilitate the ease of the passing of the holi-days too. In fact I just came back on Saturday from another church's youth camp hehe. What a way to spend a month! Does take a toll though, which is why I'm trying my best to rest the best I can. Yesterday's catching of the unfortunate match at Clarke Quay wasn't good for rest and wasn't good for the easing of the Liverpool fan's mind too. =(

December looks to be spent and spent well already, the months ahead will be well spent - that is a resolve on my part because I have (in no small extent due to Gatsby) sought to improve myself during these months of freedom. Self-improvement all the way! lol. I plan to...

1) Read

2) Talk to beings

3) Exercise

4) Perhaps work

I've finally got the time to care! About people yes, about issues yes, and most of all about my soul! Time to return to a steady and close relationship with God and spend days reading His word! So important! Obviously the A Levels have not been kind to me in this aspect ("it's robbed me of many things!")

(Have actually got a good mind to shadow a church worker/pastor around for some time, but don't know who.)

I've got

2009-11-18T17:42:00.002+08:00

a Life is Good shirt with the words "Good Vibes are Contagious" across. Wonderful shirt, gotta wear it more often!

To hover in sight

2009-11-18T17:19:00.002+08:00

I'm 7/9 done with my A levels, and yet I'm still not quite convinced I'm actually in the midst of my A levels?? It's hard to believe for me really, that I'm actually doing my A levels, JC has passed so fast. Ah, kinda expected it to pass this fast, but was never sure how to react to its passing by. Guess I'm reacting now... and I think it's a rather whateva kinda response haha, I'm so looking forward to post-As, December in particular. I'll be away for most of December I reckon hehe, bye bye most of the world I'm used to. Can't wait to play footy at Aitong court too. And have gotta get back to a more recognisable shape too (i.e. erm, try not to have my waistline fulfil the pai x diameter formula). Lotsa soccer should settle that hehe.

Ah, and I'm also fully expecting the anti-climatic feeling that awaits right after my last paper next Wed...

Things that matter

2009-10-07T20:27:00.002+08:00

Glad that things that matter were touched upon today. Very glad, because these things matter. Yet it is still the things that do not matter as much that remain the scorpions in my mind, and I cannot help but feel a tad affected by these things that do not matter as much. I had a previous unpublished post that was far more unambiguous but fortunately my laptop ran out of battery before I could publish something to be rather embarrassed about. The weather's been horrible, the days passable...

The 'R' word

2009-09-28T21:08:00.002+08:00

So,

2009-09-21T12:11:00.004+08:00

not in an unexpected manner the prelims are going as fast as they have come. Going, not gone, but going and going fast and they will be gone in a matter of days which will come and go and be gone in a matter of days - which is fast. I am now examining the Heart of Darkness in greater detail, meaning I will do more than read it lying down on the sofa/bed. Ah, Marlow and his musings. Figure Conrad had much fun penning all his cheem-ness down and looking at it in self-congratulatory glee at the end of it. Now Literature students like me have got to trudge through (or savour?) his verbal excretions (or genius?), to varying degrees of cluelessness (or relating to?). Seriously now, Joseph.
Hmm but you do write pretty well.

So,

2009-09-21T12:11:00.001+08:00

=(

2009-09-17T20:49:00.002+08:00

Sweaty palms + 3 hrs of writing = :(

Can't believe it... my forearm this afternoon was really feeling the effects of probably the most writing I've done in my life in a week. You need more than finger muscles! And I think I might need an overgrip for my pen haha... sigh, econs tomorrow and then to celebrate Hari Raya and then Lit then Math then a bit of celebration next wednesday!

O.O

2009-09-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

Currently readying my H3 paper for submission. Have been at it for couple of hours, albeit without much fruition. Quite painful trying to sort out a 3.5k word essay. At this point in my life I think it is about as far as I can be streteched intellectually...

Anyway, first two papers, arguably the two that need least preparation, have come and gone. Week of hols ahead will be painful... ouch ouch ouch.

YP outing tomorrow, some EPL, church on Sunday. Trying to limit myself to these distractions through the hols hehe.

Toodles! (lol i think this is the funniest way to ciao... and gayest too.)

Prelims start tomorrow!

2009-09-01T20:12:00.001+08:00

Could very well have been J1 CT1 tomorrow!

I Cannot Tell

2009-09-01T19:37:00.004+08:00

(On the greatest teacher!)

I cannot tell why He whom angels worship
Should set His love upon the sons of men
Or why, as shepherd, He should seek the wanderers
To bring them back, they know not how or when

But this I know, that He was born of Mary
When Bethlehem's manger was His only home
And that He lived at Nazareth and laboured
And so the Saviour, Saviour of the world is come.

I cannot tell how silently He suffered
As with His peace He graced this place of tears
Or how His heart upon the cross was broken
The crown of pain to three and thirty years

But this I know, He heals the broken-hearted
And stays our sin and calms our lurking fear
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden
For yet the Saviour, Saviour of the world is here.

I cannot tell how all the lands shall worship
When at His bidding every storm is stilled
Or who can say how great the jubilation
When all the hearts of men with love are filled

But this I know, the skies will thrill with rapture
And myriad, myriad human voices sing
And earth to heaven, and heaven to earth will answer
At last the Saviour, Saviour of the world is King!

Only fools write off Liverpool now

2009-08-27T21:09:00.001+08:00

Read this

and especially after beating a 10 men Bolton 3-2. =S

The first day of my eighteenth year

2009-08-25T23:21:00.003+08:00

Eighteen's so old man, so old. Too bad the day had to start with Liverpool getting owned 3-1 by Villa who didn't exactly play Pool off the pitch, but boy do we miss A-L-O-N-S-O. Anyway, day was good for reconnecting some friendships previously unhinged by out-of-sightness and... time I guess, even if it was through texting (which, along with MSN, is not quite the ideal way to converse, but... it's better than nothing). Also managed to save in my phonebook numbers previously lost to repairs my phone had undergone haha. Got a number of messages from such unknown numbers, ~~and each time I got one I got excited by the possibility of it being from a stalker lol~~ . So my eighteenth year starts now, whether I lurrvvees it or not, and I wonder when I would stop swimming against the current. (Actually, I do everytime I do childish stuff. For example, I spent the last minutes of the 17th year acting like a kid much to my sis' disgust. Won't quite elaborate on how I did so waha.)

Faith and...

2009-08-24T00:44:00.003+08:00

Well about a year ago I thought of naming my future baby girl Faith. Haha, because obviously I'd like her to have faith in God, which is something that doesn't quite come easy. Man, I wish I'd been called Faith just so to remind myself to have faith haha. Oh and as for the aural aspect of the name, I quite like the -th sound. Though it might be quite a bother to pronounce hah. So I've since been looking around (not quite so consciously, but for want of a better phrase) for a name for Faith's baby brother. And yay, I finally found it like a week ago while flipping through Genesis. And so we have... S-E-T-H! The third child of Adam and Eve, and God's gift to Adam and Eve following the loss of Abel. I think this is a wonderful, romantic notion that Seth represents. Besides coming to mean "the anointed one" in Hebrew, Seth also represents the healing of Eve's pain as a mother losing her son. Besides, Seth sounds pretty cool too heh. Apparently another way in which Seth spelt is Shith, but I reckon I wouldn't be going within a 10-ft pole of that version. So, lucky kids I will come to have, since they will be coming to have such awesome names haha. Obviously this is all subject to changes I have in my head... or disagreements on the part of my future spouse. Ok, setting paternal instincts aside, I've really gotta go sleep now! Mm... Seth. What a great name.

These days

2009-08-18T22:11:00.003+08:00

I've really just been going through the motions. Breaks are more awesome than they have ever been, laughing more precious too, and eating and s***ing (at the risk of sounding bestial here hahaha) more therapeutic than usual. Oh, and I am starting to pay off a bit of the price I incurred slacking my ass away the past 20 months. ><

Obviously the presence of The Cheer remains fleeting, as it has most of the year. Change would be very nice, but maybe only at this point while I mention it. Till then, I will try my best to restrain my expectations of myself and others.

Back to ze Japanese Occupation then!

(And speaking of The Cheer, Derek don't you think you should look once again to things eternal? Yes I think and know so, and I am grateful for Monday morning happening even though I might not have looked the part. A timely, albeit delayed, prod. Sometimes I need prods like these. Times like these, when I'm slipping, sliding! )

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-14T00:33:00.002+08:00

WOW IT'S FRIDAY ALREADY. Week went by fast enough (as it has been). Weekend is here, I always look forward to the weekend and time spent in church. Right now I don't exactly feel that school sucks... but it does. School didn't hurt me much this week, probably because half the time in school I was half-awake. Hmmm right now I'm thinking I'd go "Thank goodness"/"Good riddance" the moment I'm out of school, but I might well just... sleep. There's not much of school left, yay!! yay! yay! yay!

Green green green

2009-08-14T00:13:00.002+08:00

Sometimes jealous is good, because it sometimes signifies to me the value of a person - a bit twisted, indirect and convoluted I know. (I'm talking here the jealousy of traits, talent. The boring jealousy, not the murder-inducing one lol). But most times jealousy is a feeling I can really do without, because it doesn't spawn very positive thoughts. And there so many people around to be jealous of too. This craving in us that comes so natural, dreadful really.

Just dropped by...

2009-08-13T23:16:00.004+08:00

to share my sudden realization that the Barclays Premier League will be rather competitive in the 09/10 season. There are a fair number of teams outside of the Big Four who will defo be in with a shout for fourth next season - read Man City, Everton, Tottenham, Aston Villa, Fulham. Arsenal have got quite a battle on their hands holding on to fourth man!

What do you see?

2009-08-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

Lotsa studying ahead lol. Only starting proper now, hope it's not too late. =S

So, I've got to keep my itchy hands off cornroll for a while. How long I don't know, you might wanna refer to the regularity of my posts in 2007 when I took my O levels.

Been dead tired the past few days, weekend was too good for my good man. And found out that Lit is perhaps the subject I like studying best. Not saying much, but still, at least it's 5/10 interesting. Maybe 7 la.

The hours are short, so short. List of things to study remains long, so long. Short post this, so long then.

How 09/10 will shape out

2009-08-07T20:08:00.001+08:00

Interesding

2009-08-02T14:23:00.002+08:00

I'm bored enough to string up the titles of my posts to see if it makes any sense (punctuation marks are within my manipulation). Here goes:

Sniss this, WHAT DOES AUGUST AUGUR???!!! Now, now Encounter Prelims - Sh*t Happens! or Shh... it happens. Ill. Can it be that I should gain? At what price? This is crazy. Happy is the dwarf named Happy! Liverpool's Third Kit 09/10 - Dinner, gangster. Soul you sail away into a grey sky morning...

So it doesn't make any sense eh. Sigh, thought I was on to something for a while.

Sniss this

2009-08-02T14:09:00.005+08:00

My rabbit, Scrappy, has just sneezed x3. Some Sunday afternoon I'm having, analyzing the origins of the CW (not exactly a complaint, it beats studying science or whatever). Good day so far, woke up at 10.31am, lay around reading the papers before getting down to some work. Looking forward to church later, since I missed last week's for Liverpool. I like people, I like people at church, but sometimes I've got to feel God a bit more too. Monday will come soon, then Sunday too. Then prelims, then A's, then hurray and tqvm. Flash whizz bang bye! life's passing by my... thigh?

And today's act-cheem question (albeit, relevant and founded, yet only understandable by me) is...

Am I filled up or am I hollow?

(*Ta-dah!*)

WHAT DOES AUGUST AUGUR????!!!!

2009-08-01T00:44:00.002+08:00

IT'S MY 800TH POST ON CORNROLL ON THE 8TH MONTH OF THE 8TH YEAR (SINCE 2001!) OH AND IT'S THE MONTH OF MY 8-TEENTH BIRTHDAY AND I 8 RICE FOR DINNER AND IT IS GETTING L8 SO I WILL GO SLEEP. I LOVE SLEEP, IT IS SOMETHING I REALLY DON'T H8. and the cafe in archie's is pop t8's... i think i will study for prelims and not tempt f8... who knows? i might get to know a girl named k8... oh if i could sk8 i would be a sk8er boi... today's d8 is the first of august.

Now, now

2009-08-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

I'm excited, positively quaking in anticipation. Glen Johnson looks pretty awesome. O.O

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFmzTt1aK6k

=O

!!

^.^

tell me when you find the smileys irritating ok. hmm it's a bit disconcerting when i don't know who the "you" refers to? pls say hi on my tagboard ok, because i want to know who to avoid in person lol

Encounter

2009-07-29T18:11:00.004+08:00

So I managed to catch my favourite player Xabi Alonso at VJC (should've gone there!) last Friday, thanks to Tze Ern and his mum. Was as close as an arm-length's away haha. And Kenny Dalglish was there too. O.O
It was crazy. I think Liverpool Football Club can have me running around chasing. I felt a little embarrassed really. But first time so star struck sia. I'm afraid the photos are a bit blur. But well, I don't have a pro camera, and I don't know how to use one anw.

Edwin here's ur pic with Jamie Reeves you were dying to take.

Second from right - Glen Johnson???

Alonso.. whatever u can make of him. My reflection - see my gaping expression

!!!!!

Prelims

2009-07-23T23:53:00.002+08:00

Well, the number of days to the prelims flash by. Will really have to start proper study and making good use of time... after this weekend, after Liverpool hehe. ^^

I've been rather fond of using smilies lately. Hope it's not to make up for any lack of real smiling. Nope, don't think so la. Hope to catch Pool players at close proximity at VJC tomorrow! ^^

Gotta report to school at 7.40am tomorrow! 6/21 of 1A will be in school tomorrow! =S

Just sent my H3 to Lynette Lim, hope it's fine! ^^

Stomach feels a tad uncomfortable at the moment! =S

I will go jogging soon! ^^

To fit (better) into my school pants! =S

To sleep now! ^^

Only to wake up so early tmr! =S

6 people, should be nice and cozy in the raffles training rooms! ^^

raffles training rooms? =S

r-a-f-f-l-e-s! ^^

off i go now

Sh*t happens! or Shh... it happens.

2009-07-22T16:50:00.001+08:00

Rabbits are very cute when they have a sneezing fit. Anyway just got back from a short run (long by my stamina's standards). It was a run/walk really, and my legs still feel rather pummeled by the asphalt. The muscle region around my shin on my left leg took it especially hard. Well my Asics are more than a couple of years old, time for a new pair of running shoes perhaps. Ran to and along the jogging route around/in the IMH, somehow today the inhabitants were less friendly than usual (that is, they didn't wave (back) at me) The route was pleasant enough, as always, but the jog was at times painful and I probably ran at the pace of a middle-aged woman. It is over nonetheless, and I should fit that bit better into my pants now.

Ill

2009-07-20T20:32:00.002+08:00

Quite a few people in class have been feeling ill... get well soon everyone! I don't know why, but I'm still feeling ill at ease at times. So odd. Awkward awkward awkward. It's really uncomfortable being so uncomfortable! It's like fighting off sleep hehehe. It was better after school when I met up with Joel, Brandon, Uncle Andrew and Joel's friend from Youth for Christ, Wai Ling. I just think I've got a lot to get off my head right now. Obviously I'm already looking forward to the weekend (LIVERPOOL!). I don't hate school, because there's still that lilt here and there, and those moments are nice. But I'm feeling rather disjointed. It's ultimately tolerable though, and I might well be making a deal out of nothing. I might well be *gasp* whining. These 4-5 months will pass soon enough and soon I'll be whining about missing JC lol. Stupid me.

Can it be that I should gain?

2009-07-19T04:23:00.003+08:00

And can it be that I should gain
an interest in the Savior's blood!
Died he for me? who caused his pain!
For me? who him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be that thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
fast bound in sin and nature's night;
thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
my chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth, and followed thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free, I rose, went forth, and followed thee.

Take a listen!

At what price?

2009-07-19T04:12:00.004+08:00

I've been rather rudely stirred from my sleep by a phonecall from an unfamiliar number. At 4 am. Made the oh-so-unwise albeit unconscious decision to pick it up. So turns out that my friend's taking part/cheating in this NUS race and asked me to google one of the clues he got. So I found it for him and my sleep's been severely disrupted. I could have cursed at him and I was tempted of course, that... boy. Did not help that he wasn't the most appreciative - maybe he was too caught up in the race. Ah, but well. Yes, you don't have to try very hard to exploit me... but yes of course I know when I've been, of course I know. And I feel about it, of course I do.

This is crazy

2009-07-17T13:17:00.006+08:00

Fridays are crazy I finished at like 10am today. Crazy thoughts run through my head, thoughts inapt at this time of the year. You really can't help what you think eh, and restraint is key.

Oh I can't wait for the A Levels to be over. For now all I can do is sing in my chains eh. And H3 of course, I'm beginning to get a hold of my essay yahoo!

Mood: =D

I WILL FINISH MY H3 TODAY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO PAY LIBRARY FINES!!!! DEPOLITICIZATION OF CHINESE STUDENTS, LET'S GO!

Happy is the dwarf named Happy

2009-07-16T23:54:00.008+08:00

Is happiness a state of mind? Is the dwarf Happy (is there one actually lol) happy because he is Happy? I think emotions are to a large degree self-imposed, sometimes we just have to snap out of negative emotions. Unless of course serious stuff happens to you. But generally it is snapoutofitable.

Ok, acting cheem and preaching aside, I miss PE. PE has been my favourite lesson (lesson?) through all my schooling life. Seems like I just had my last ever Phys. Ed lesson last week. Well I just like getting out of the classroom and being free to play. I'm okay at sports so I enjoy it a fair bit. I enjoy most sports.

Watched Harry Podder and the Bloody Prince today at GV Bishan. It was poor, it was so slow-moving and the ending was so abrupt. Not very funny too, and I felt that there was too much emphasis on teenage romance rubbish. Yeah I do know that Podder's all grown up and curious now, but about half the movie's dedicated to teenage romance rubbish. The other half was just weird Golems crawling onto an island of crystal blocks (whatever) to scare poor Podder until Dumblebeeyore decides to stop faking to sleep and performs some awesome kickass spell to own these Golems. Then Dumbeeyore dies at Hogwarts and it's so sad. In between Tze Ern decides to jump in fright. Then up pop the credits and there's a collective groan in the cinema (making this up). And I just think Podder and his friends have turned out kinda strange-looking too ('cept Hermuinee who pretty much still has her 12 year old face). Dragon Malfunction in particular. Ronweaser's not too far off. Podder has this vibe that makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat and causes my Twisties to taste like muruku. Oh and the screen is like set to 2% brightness for most of the movie so I felt like there were Dementors in the cinema. Oh and Several Snapple has put on weight and Arthurweaser has lost weight... at least since Chamber of Secrets (on FIVE!). And McGonadagalldeagall looks like she's 203 hehe. And the young Tom Marvellous Ridiculous looks like a girl! Okay I just don't like the movie a lot. (my seven dollars! my two and a half hours!)

Massively disappointing, and Ice Age 3 is movie of the month hands down. Blockbusters have been seriously poor, waste my time and money only. They think blockbuster a lot of money so no need direct properly just put more CGI (which admittedly is quite cool). Next blockbuster is my H3 essay hope it does not fall flat like TransPodders The Fallen Prince of Wenpi Doom.

Ok you can tell I'm a bit high in this post it is 12.30am now. To sleep then.

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lol the lyrics of this song are quite stupid i only put it up for its title. jesse mccartney is eight this year haha.

Liverpool's Third kit 09/10

2009-07-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

Class ^^ The long-sleeved version is nicer. Obviously won't buy it, since pool will probably use it like, twice in the season.

Dinner

2009-07-14T23:04:00.002+08:00

Ok I know I'm really flooding cornroll with updates but I think I'm (more than?) making up for the little chatter I usually amass in a day. I don't know, I just feel like expressing me thoughts somewhere. Well I reckon I wouldn't be here on Friday, since I would probably be returning home late, having had some chat over dinner. Yep that's right I've got myself a dinner date and I am looking forward to it. Well it's a meeting up with five older guys (20+ y.o) from Depot Walk - not quite a hot date. I'm thinking I will probably feel very old while I'm in their company, yet also rather young... like a um, fledgling. Okay pointless post but I don't know, it's been some time since I've had a good chat over a meal. Hmm slightly more than a week, but I do enjoy such meals a fair bit, so they don't always seem enough. Strange as it seems, strange as it seems.

Gangster

2009-07-14T18:51:00.004+08:00

Who's bad?

Well it may seem a wee bit out of character, but sometimes I like to imagine myself as a gangleader and a man's man (not in a homosexual way but an alphamale sorta way please, ty). That's why sometimes I tell people that I actually am a ringleader of a highly successful, dangerous, illegal syndicate underground. Usually they don't believe me. It's false, of course, but I do sometimes wonder what life is like on the unconventional, free-wheeling (and dealing), illicit side.

Right, sometimes I wonder what it's like to be just BAD-ASS. ^.^

Soul you sail away into a grey sky morning

2009-07-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

"When it comes to people I tend to look at them as souls. You graft off the skin and chip away at the bones, and the soul is there. You talk words of love, and the soul smiles. You hurl hurting insults, and the soul is pained - not the body. When you connect with someone in a conversation, you speak to the soul - not the body. And when the body falters and its functions halt... that's why I want to see people as souls."

To etch

2009-07-12T13:19:00.002+08:00

There are certain moments in life you'd think you will never ever forget. Well a moment like this occured towards the end of the year when I was 12, at my grandfather's funeral, when we sang the hymn "Christ Liveth in Me". It doesn't have the most captivating tune and the lyrics are simple, but somehow I know I will never forget this song and the occasion it has come to represent.

Here's the chorus:

Christ liveth in me,
Christ liveth in me;
Oh! what a salvation this,
That Christ liveth in me.

Okay...

2009-07-11T01:03:00.003+08:00

I'm raising an eyebrow myself over the queerness of this post (even by cornroll standards) but I think I might have finally understood what my sister meant when she said that I had lost my chin through the hols. See, these are two pictures taken back in the times when I had a chin.

Ok you can tell I really don't want to go to sleep

My little world

2009-07-10T23:28:00.004+08:00

My feet hurt. There's the blisters and a bit of aching and creaking and funny twitching of ligaments here and there. Played a tad too much today heh, so the room remains unpacked and the H3 not really touched. Fridays look to be extremely slacky... I finish at 10.15am or something, every week too! So today some of our class headed to the Kopitiam at Thomson Plaza for brunch. After that Kartik and I headed to the RI courts to play a bit of tennis. Well I've just returned from hanging out a bit at the street soccer courts at the neighbourhood park near my place. Haven't played there in like three years or so haha, till Yao Yang my neighbour got me down after watching Friends. Was good fun and I got to interact a little with an odd enough mix of people ranging from obese secondary school kids to middle-aged bengs with tattoos who were smoking by the court. It was good fun and exercise but I felt a wee bit... left out because I just didn't quite fit into their lingo. But they were friendly and I was trying to be friendly too and was wary of going in too hard on the tackle hehe. Yeah they were nice blokes I guess.

Well I just have this urge to blog alot today haha so here I go. I'm trying my best not to be bothered about who reads this heh. Have had thoughts running through my head today about what I might think interesting enough to share. Naturally I am veered towards things that occupy my mind the most.

So maybe I should start with the Friends episodes I watched today. Basically it's interesting because Joey, my favourite character in the show, falls in love with his good friend Rachel. Joey's pretty cool, he's kinda like a Jughead except he's the total opposite of Jughead when it comes to dealing with girls - he's quite the Casanova. And it's interesting coming to see how he deals with actually having serious feelings for Rachel. And it's rather complicated too because Rachel at this point is pregnant having been knocked up by Ross, who is also part of the Friends clique. Yeah but besides that I was really interested in seeing how Joey came to struggle with his feelings for Rachel. And dare I say it might even have been cathartic lol lol. Oh and in the end Joey and Rachel have dinner and this is how it goes:

Joey: I think I have fallen in love with you...
Rachel: Oh Joey, I love you so much (as a friend presumably), but...
Joey (head in hands): But!...

I think I might have been close to tears during this scene because I've come to really like the character Joey. Ok maybe I exaggerate a little, but my heartstrings were tugged a little. Just felt so sad for Joey. Really felt the power of television then haha. Yeah but anyway I think love is such a crazy feeling and it's like a forbidden fruit that promises so much and can have you fluttering but can also leave you down in the dumps like, for the rest of your life haha. Not that I've experienced love or anything near it, but damn (excuse me heh) I can even sense its power from this far. Hence the retarded "poems" and random rubbish I've spouted about love. (And oh man, Love is Only a Feeling by The Darkness is such an AWESOME song, the lyrics and all. You really should check it out.)

Yeah but fascination about love aside, what plagues me and I suppose many naive, love-shorn teenagers like me are retarded crushes. I think teenage crushes are truly retarded and never should have been. I think it's just cruel. Crushes are really rather cruel. Like come on, like I don't have enough on my plate already and then a stupid retarded crush comes along. It's redundant and it's plain irritating. Sometimes I really wish I could well, just wish these truly retarded affections away. Away, away! Crushes are there to cheat, to confuse, to complicate, to consume and to confound. Blasted affections that masquerade as love and bring to unmatured/immature/seedling/naive minds hopes and dreams of a love of a lifetime/everlasting love/ blahblahblah. Yes I am really rather frustrated and sian that I am being plagued by such feelings. It's cruel. And I am struck. Drats.

But obviously it's not all bad. You've got little moments, like that bit of a rush when you see that unfortunate and hopefully unwitting one person. I think I have to say that I've done a real brill job at concealing whatever I feel and I think I really have my hold-your-horses nature (or some may simply say hum - that is, timid or put crudely, short for lacking certain spherical *ahem* anatomical parts. But whatever.) to thank. So good job Derek and I really don't see myself acting on these darned feelings because it's just not so very wise at this point, this age and this time of the year really. Or maybe it's not that big a crush afterall haha. Ya I might think it is really rather mild and WHOO I thank God, seriously. But I'm afraid I've just got to express myself a little. Hopefully you haven't read up to this point.

I certainly know where these stupid feelings stem from though. And the more I think about it, I go 'Hey perhaps it isn't all that stupid eh'. Well I was unfortunate (some would know why) to come to like this song "Fill My Little World" by The Feeling some years back and now it comes back and means a little more to me. Well I've got my little world here - my life actually, my sphere and things that happen to me. And well to fill my little world would be to presumably find someone to spend the rest of my earthly life with, and I guess pretty much everyone wants their own little worlds to be filled. It's this promise of a love that lasts a lifetime and the idea of spending the rest of my life with this special someone that's so, so, so appealing to me. It's funny, I hope everyone feels the same as me so I don't feel odd. (But it's cornroll so I guess it's not quite as awkward because I am safe behind my screen muahahah) Well at least Nickelback feels the same as me because there's "Gotta Be Someone for Me out There". Sounds really stupid but I think we might all just be waiting around (in some cases, actively seeking and in some scarier cases, predatorily hunting oh mine) for that special someone. Which is why crushes suck because they put into you ideas of spending the rest of your life with this particular person even though the better, more sensible part of me says 'no way'. And as long as that hope lingers it's tempting to imagine what it'd be like. My scene of spending my life with someone always is the car scene where I'm driving and my spouse is next to me, probably out grocery shopping or something. I don't know it seems to me the stereotypical image of a settled down, married life.

Ah there's a mouthful and I can go to sleep now. I have this rather scary thought at the back of my head that goes 'maybe its just me', but I'm rather sure a substantial number might share the same sentiments as me. Well hopefully so.

Hmm... maybe it's just me?

Pack your room la boy

2009-07-10T18:31:00.003+08:00

Finally getting down to packing my room since studying for the CTs messed it right round right round. Played tennis today and the stringing job on my racket is really crap. Obviously these days I've been thinking a lot and I've been oscillating between emotions - I think it really tells on cornroll doesn't it. Most of the time I like cornroll because it really is like a friend I can always turn to. Creepy and weird, but true. But obviously it doesn't beat having a heart-to-heart chat with a friend I can connect with. A decent enough substitute though. I wonder if anyone really reads through all this. I know I wouldn't if I weren't me haha. Hmm sometimes I wonder why I've succumbed to blogging. The idea makes me a little uneasy at times. There's something very artificial about online stuff. A chat online may be extensive and last for hours, but might not do anything for the relationship at all. Facebook is rubbish, but we all like it. But maybe these things might help people who aren't very good expressing themselves in person (me me me). I like it that I'm able to stop and think at the end of each sentence and look back and check on the previous one. In a face-to-face conversation this would translate to an awkward silence. Sometimes I really would like to talk to certain people, but it's hard most of the time because I fear the awkward silence and that I would bore people out. My fears are founded too, because I am sometimes just that bad at being interesting. One of the virtues being promulgated back at Cat High was to be 'interesting as a person', but I'm not sure if the school actually played its part at cultivating interesting people. How do you be interesting? I don't know, sometimes I just think I'm unfortunate that I don't really have in me a desire to fly planes and engage in gang fights. I don't know how people become so passionate in something. It's something I've never experienced before and I'd sure like to find my passion. Guess for now I'm stoned and dull and not really interested in any pursuit yet. What to do? Be a yes-man?

Sometimes I wonder too how people are schooled in the art of conversation. It seems to come by naturally for the people I know. Maybe it's how you're brought up at home. Yeah I do think that nurturing obviously plays a substantial role in shaping how good a person is at conversing and connecting with people. Well it's just not really in my family to talk about how the day's gone at dinner. My sense of humour has also been pretty much brought out outside of the home. And I guess nature has its part too, I'm by nature not a very chatty person. Since young I've always shunned the limelight and would always prefer other people do the talking. Well on a number of occasions I've found this to be pretty handy in my relationships because I seldom regret what I say. But of course I get owned because I get lazy and don't really form my own opinions on stuff.

(ok I did this before dinner and playing street soccer (again!) so I'll just end the post here)

Glen

2009-07-10T18:01:00.002+08:00

Contrary to reports, Aurelio is only out for a maximum of 1-2 months. Phew. Which means Dossena can be offloaded. And here's a picture of Glen Johnson in the Pool kit too. Nice...

Weekend's here. Have got to do H3 and random homework. It's been a rather slack week, but I'm kinda tired. Got my full history marks back... they're quite bad eep. And a ten year old boy just started talking to me on facebook chat... interesting. When I was ten I was playing basketball and IT-illiterate.

Patience

2009-07-08T22:38:00.005+08:00

I like patient people. They are one my favourite kinds of people in the world because they are patient. It matters even more to me because some people think I'm mildly retarded when I speak, and I don't have the sharpest of wit too. So I like patient people because they listen. I hope I'm patient too. Well actually I have to be, because I live with me... and so I'd wait my turn to shine!

Hmmm

2009-07-08T22:21:00.003+08:00

You do find out more about yourself as you go through life right? Quite a duh question but I wonder if people have been through an entire life not knowing who they are. Well I have been finding out about myself and yes I've found out quite a fair bit about myself (especially in the past 2 years in JC) through the experiences I've come to have. It's quite natural too that I figure out what I'm bad at, what I really suck at and what I am really uncomfortable with - I'm bad at making interesting conversation at times, I suck pretty bad at thinking logically and I'm generally uncomfortable with people. I think in the past year and a half I've come to have the most amount of bittersweet relationships and sometimes I miss relationships that aren't quite as complicated, i.e the ones I had in secondary school. I've never had so many mixed feelings towards so many people before and I guess it may be because I'm getting to know people deeper, or I speculate more about the intentions of people. Why is life and why are humans so fishticated???

Sleep is so good... and will get better

2009-07-07T17:56:00.003+08:00

Proper school started today, the first day of term three. Proper school is boring. Fell asleep on a number of occasions during lesson today. Quite a term lies ahead, and I'm not quite ready for it. Gotta psyche myself into fruitfulness. Oh and we've got a rather new small classroom (J31) in the J block which will have the class more boxed in than ever. No more staring out of the window on rainy days. No more corners to retreat to. One more reason to like school less. But well we do have a coloured wall. Urgh. I am starting to become a rather negative, pessimistic and cynical person. I don't like it and this is not the person I want to be too. But these days it's hard waking up happy because sadness is so easy to slip into. How, I'm losing the joy and I think it tells sometimes because I think I don't smile as much anymore. Why do we require so much affirmation?

Quite a sight that sickens...

2009-07-04T13:19:00.000+08:00

A month

2009-06-27T21:49:00.002+08:00

And so a month just passes by like that and I dread tomorrow coming because tomorrow I'll be dreading the economics test that's the day after. I'm quite scared really because I'm inadequately prepared. I won't do well for CT2 heh. Chionging I Hist now! =.= And my sleep pattern is messed up horribly I've been sleeping at 3am and waking up at 11am the past week. And I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor because my bed is covered by notes. Sad sad life, my room looks like it's been thrashed by a transformer machine-car-thing-machine. How about an explosion to end all this?? Oh and my body's not in the best condition too, been sneezing away the past week and a sore throat is imminent. I think it can only get worse, I need to regroup, refocus and reassemble after CT2 (as well as make substantial progress in my H3!!!). Feels like the O's all over again, but I think it'll be worse. Well I could be happier, I could be less happy.

Let's say...

2009-06-27T18:44:00.003+08:00

we're all in character and we all play the role "Human Being". What does this role constitute of and how do we act it out? And who's the Director? And how come I'm cast as me?

Just a few posers heh. What do you think?

Okay okay

2009-06-25T22:08:00.003+08:00

I think I'd better start posting happy posts again before people label me as emo or something haha. Thing is I'm fortunate that I can get over things at a snap of a finger and I'm fortunate I usually forget too. I only get cranky when I lack sleep. So as of now I've really got better things to worry about like Macroeconomics and Kartik your tag was really queer and out of the blue haha and I don't recall you doing what you say you've done? and Jiawei I know that at least my sis wouldn't let that happen and I've been giving Sharpi a fair bit of loving these days to destress haha and tzeern dont worry I'm positively fine thanks mate and camellia well I guess you could but Sharpi bites and henry I don't know which post u're referring to and I made up to daniel by texting him and assuring he was okay and we're gonna have a meal soon.

There we go, and I'm so looking forward to the (end of the) CTs next week!

SPAIN LOST!!!

2009-06-25T18:39:00.002+08:00

Wanted very much to see a Brazil-Spain final, even if its just the Confeds Cup and its not broadcast on the Football Channel. The best team ever against the team in the best form - always a tantalising prospect, but alas it's not to be. Well things don't always work out the way we want them to!

Life is good?

2009-06-24T05:02:00.003+08:00

It's strange, the LIG pictures I have around these posts are starting to look rather incongruent with respect to the content I now have on cornroll. Well life is good and will remain good, but it can't quite be all fun and games and mirth and laughter all the time can it? It's so true also that while we're in the body we're the furthest from God.

Anyway this line in the song "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane suddenly strikes something in me: "Oh simple thing, where have you gone"

Yes yes where where?

It's not fair, and I think you're really mean

2009-06-24T04:10:00.002+08:00

It's 4.38am now and I've been stirred awake by strange thoughts - a nightmare almost. It's like suddenly all this docility I've shown on the outside has given way to some crazy rage within, to the extent that I considered screaming into my pillow. It's frustrating when someone is mean without really meaning it or being aware of it and I don't know why tonight it suddenly weighed so heavy upon me. It's terribly wrenching, to be having such mixed opinions and feelings about a person - I really don't know what to make of it, just really wished our paths never crossed before! It just... sucks. Really does, to be at the mercy of someone's whims. I think it's just the hour of the night that has my spirit as perturbed as this. Should be fine after sleep. I really don't feel like taking the Common Tests next week and could really do with a week more of holidays just to ease my soul a little. And yeah, I don't want to see you so soon too!

Today is my sister's birthday,

2009-06-23T21:09:00.004+08:00

(psst you can click on the photos to enlarge them. see me in my full fat glory. the sister says I've put on weight and have lost my chin)

as well as my rabbit Sharpi's. If you think that's coincident, I happen to share the same birthday as the other rabbit we have in the home too. Haha.

Today to celebrate her birthday, my sister went out for lunch with her friends. To celebrate his birthday, Sharpi had photos taken of him with a hairclip on.

To celebrate En's birthday, there's a cake in the fridge. Sharpi has his usual hay.

Sometimes I wish I'm as unaffected by things as Sharpi is. Unfortunately I've got the ability to care... about things. Unfortunate too that this being affected burdens my mind at times!

One more thing, I fear too that I'm becoming too guarded and reclusive but it's hard to open up to just about anyone but at the same time too I've got to be coaxed out of my shell haha. If I weren't me I wouldn't really bother knowing me...!

On Glen Johnson and David Silva

2009-06-23T17:55:00.016+08:00

So it's Johnson to Pool for a sum of 17.5 million quid or thereabouts... well arguably not a bad buy , for Johnson is indeed a quality player and one of the best in his position in the league. Yet I can't help but feel that the amount is a tad over the top even for Johnson. He's a right-back afterall! A right-back! Sure, Bosingwa and Dani Alves might well cost at least that amount too, but Johnson hasn't quite proven himself to be of their quality yet. He's only had one smashing season in 08/09, and some might say he's finally coming of age at 24 - which may be true, but only time will tell if he has what it takes to do well at a big club (granted that his experience at Chelsea earlier might have been a baptism of fire for a teenager). Age is obviously on his side and he will definitely get better... but whether he will eventually be good enough to justify the 17 million pounds remains to be seen obviously.

Well here's hoping that he would cement his place ahead of Arbeloa (if he stays) and Degen and become a mainstay in the first XI for years to come.

But did Rafa really need to strengthen the right-back slots? Obviously strengthening any position is desirable, but there are also the obvious factors like the transfer kitty and current strength of depth of the positions to consider. Arbeloa has had perhaps his best season in a Liverpool shirt and has made the position his own ahead of... the injury-stricken Degen. But I did think he was decent enough for Liverpool since Steven Finnan's departure. Come on, Real Madrid are speculated to be after him! Then there's the matter of the strength in depth. Sure, Degen was out the entire 08/09 season, but he'll be there as a back-up next season. Haven't seen him play at all, but I'm sure he'd be adequate cover for the position. Not forgetting Carragher who can shift out right with Skrtel/Agger playing in the middle. I can't wait to hear from Rafa commenting on Johnson's signing - both parties have been all quiet in the reports so far! Besides the hefty price though, I think that Johnson is a top, top acquisition.

Well I think if there were any areas that required reinforcements more than the right-back position, it'd be the attacking departments. Sure, Riera has had a number of matches where he'd looked the part on the left, but he's not been very consistent. Perhaps he'd be better equipped in his second season having been accustomed to the rough and tumble of the PL. There's Babel and Benayoun who may seem more than qualified to fill in for Riera - but Babel cannot play on the left wing, or on the wings for that matter (for he is really not all that skilled and tricky, nor fast!), and Benayoun is best saved as a match-winner/game-changer on the bench. David Silva would have been and remains to be a welcome addition - a fair bit of flair and magic has been missed since Luis Garcia exited the Shankly Gates a couple of seasons ago. Thought that Rafa would have gone all out to achieve his target of a striker this transfer season since Keane's unfortunate stint at Anfield. But Johnson seems to be the only big-name signing this window and it looks to remain at that unless funds are garnered through the sale of Alonso/Mascherano (which I am staunchly against, by the way!).

We are remarkably short of quality strikers at the moment. There's Nando and Ngog along with a host of players who have not really played extensively in the striker's role last season - Kuyt, Babel and the returning (?) Voronin. With Gerrard revelling in the free role behind the striker last season, we really just need two top-class strikers in the squad. We have Torres, and we need one more striker. That could be Babel, but he hasn't been given the nod ahead of Ngog to prove himself. It's his preferred position afterall, and he is the next Henry, no? Ngog is arguably still young, but he is nowhere near being Torres' standard yet (and perhaps never will be), or even near being an able substitute. Kuyt will almost definitely reprise his role on the right next season. What we require is not another striker on par with Torres - I'm thinking Rafa will be sticking to the 4-2-3-1 for some time, having found the spine of the team (like his Valencia team of old) in Reina, Alonso, Masch, Gerrard and Torres. Because such a striker (like Eto'o or Villa) would not be content with a place on the bench. An able substitute would be adequate. Crouch would have been a suitable choice, but even he was not content not playing.

Which is why I am for the idea of bringing in David Silva, because he brings in more than just creativity. Here are the reasons why Silva should don the Liverpool number 7:

1) There's the obvious solution to the left-wing, a long-standing problem department for the team not completely addressed yet by Riera.

2) Silva plays on either wing, so where Kuyt is injured (the one time he is in a decade or two!) he can slot in there with Riera on the left. That would really give Liverpool genuine width on both sides of the pitch! And with the midfield anchored superbly by Alonso and Masch it wouldn't compromise on the "hard" nature of the midfield. This is where Johnson's athleticism comes in too - he is able to cover adequately for Silva's (presumably) lack of defensive qualities and the absence of the hard-running that Kuyt provides.

3) By having two natural left wingers, it really gives Rafa the opportunity to free Babel from the burden of playing back-up on the left to... play back-up striker. Despite his weaknesses, I believe that Babel has sufficient strength and pace and skills and a good enough shot to be an able back-up for Torres. A striker does not necessarily have to beat or wriggle past his man (which Babel cannot do) as much as a winger has to. Babel is decent in the air as well, and I'm positive he could hold up the attacking line well enough to at least get Gerrard in.

4) Silva is an Aimar-like player. While Rafa has the undoubted pleasure of playing Gerrard in the free role behind the striker, Silva could play the same free role/supporting striker just as well in the event where Gerrard is out. Again, the anchor of Alonso/Mascherano is pivotal to Silva's inclusion in the line-up as he may appear to be a bit of a lightweight in the league.

Well after all that's been said I still don't think Pool will get Silva in - unless we sell Alonso or Mascherano, which really would not be good at all. Back to studying ASEAN...

How do you stop at nothing?

2009-06-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

Wow facebook is proving to be a rather mighty distraction, who knew spying on people could be so time-consuming haha. I'm not expecting the hols to be extended, though my heart cries for it. Now, where have my three weeks gone?

People stay the same

2009-06-18T21:47:00.002+08:00

Met up with my Cat High friends last night for supper, for the second time this holidays. And they remain pretty much the same character-wise, from what I remember of them in Secondary 2. Edwin, Daniel, Henry and Luther - group of friends I usually hung out with when we were in the same class, 2-1 (and by hanging out I mean at J8, or the canteen, or in our classroom. we were/ are simple cat high boys afterall). We had prata at Casuarina, tried to spook ourselves with some ghost stories, decided not to catch a movie at AMK hub, hung out instead at AMK park's playground. It was like my sec 2 days had come back. At a time when things were simpler (by things I mean academics too!!), and people less complicated. I think no matter what they will remain the cat high boys they were when we're together. Oh, and me too I think, much as I see myself as very much more changed I go back to cat high mode in their company. That is, irritating, rather weird me.

Gnow?

2009-06-18T20:54:00.002+08:00

Rewind a year and a half and I knew less... now I know more, but do I know better yet? Perhaps, perhaps.

(Ok acting cheem and thought-provoking aside)
Was looking through some of the photos taken in J1, taken early in J1, and I'm not sure if I would want to wind the clock back to be where I was and who I was at that point in time. Ah, and now the Panic song streams into my head - "things have changed for me"...

Well all I can say is that, thing that pretty much matters more at this point are the CTs (yep clumseh sentence I know)! Oh the gloom looms.

But I'm generally happy with the way things have been for me the past year and a half. I'm fortunate I'm not someone who is affected very much by grades, hehe. Well, math and economics remain my two bugbears. Not that the rest of my subjects are anything to shout about though. I hope I find something I can do well and joyfully and with an eternal purpose in mind in the universiteh.

On another note, the more I think about my life and how it's panning out, the more I feel fortunate. In terms of relationships, the things that matter to me, and the people who have come into my life. I am feeling a bit grumpy now and off I go.

Day

2009-06-11T21:17:00.002+08:00

Pretty tiring day today, spent it with classes present and past haha. It was nice that about one third of 4-4 turned up today and today I appreciated people I've never appreciated in the past! Well have found more people to talk with deeper post-A's. Will sleep well enough tonight and wake up to studeh tomorrow...

Aged 18

2009-06-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

I don't know how I will react when my 18th birthday comes. Actually I don't want it to come, because I just don't really wanna grow older and 17 to 18 seems like a fair number of years! 17 entitles you to being a bit of a child - not that age is a barrier to acting like one, but it just is a bit disconcerting being so dependent at age 18. But I really can't wait for the A Levels to be over because there are so many people (about 20... maybe 30) I want to talk to regarding things that matter. Then, I will have time to properly care for people. Not to mention the church camps and end of year festivities. Reckon I'll be going overseas quite a bit too. Whatever it is I will be spending a lot of time in church and I am really looking forward to that. Can't wait and fortunately I don't have to enlist for NS two months earlier. Woo! Will the A Levels just pass please...

Now I recall the days I spent after O's. Lots of lounging around obviously, but did quite a few things too. Hooboy but am I going to spend my year end hols rather differently this year! There'll be lotsa talking that's for sure, and I think I have grown these two years.

You way now

2009-06-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

Much as I'd like very much sometimes to judge people as being juvenile, I am constrained by well, thoughts of me! Juvenile me! There're many things I want to be/don't want to be in life.

On another note, I watched a documentary on the Neanderthal man today on Youtube. As of now I don't know enough to judge whether he really existed, and I guess I will find out the Christian perspective on this soon. (http://www.answersincreation.org/neanderthal.htm) Still not sure what to make of it. Well I guess I'm fortunate enough to have a blind faith and knowledge in the absolute truth, but thing is this faith might well be taken away from me anytime which is why I will guard it with my life. Also part of the reason I try to spend as much time as possible with fellow Christians. But the good thing is that I am fortunate too to have cultivated a thirst for conversation revolving things that matter and for reading Christian books. I don't quite need a miracle to believe that God exists, but it'd help. Or have I overlooked the miracles that occur each day, or have occured in the creation around me? Yes I think even Christians need constant reminders that God exists and to preach the Gospel to themselves in order not to drift away. It is so very important to keep close to God for it is so very easy to drift apart from God.

those dreams...Daft as they seem

2009-06-09T00:23:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7hQD23KB_0

Have got problems embedding the video... so there's the link! I'm starting to love the song again.

Things are shaping up to be pretty odd!

2009-06-09T00:00:00.002+08:00

Been listening to That Green Gentleman/ Things Have Changed by Panic quite a bit recently. It strikes something in me, just like Fluorescent Adolescent did to me two years back. It's not quite the lyrics (defo not in the case of F.A) but just the tune I guess. Balisong by Rivermaya strikes something in me too. To know more about me go have a listen to these songs. And ah, the holidays.

Roland Garos

2009-06-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

So willowy, Flik-Flak man Del Potro is blowing Jo "Float like a butterfly sting like a bee" Wilfred Tsanga off the court on his own turf. Federer had earlier prevailed in a five-setter against Haas... wonder what it takes to be a world-class tennis player and how come Singapore cannot produce one...

BNP Paribas! I'll be off to sleep

To trade treasure for

2009-06-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

A heck of a holiday is in store. There'll be plenty of studying but oh that'll be plenty of that thing sleep too. As for fun I don't think so, no, but I might just find studying fun if I do enough of it. Routine might promise a bit of fun it's been a long time since I've had a sense of routine in my life unless of course you count being routinely laidback routine. So there you go a post resembling a diarrhoea heh.

ALONSO!

2009-05-28T17:02:00.002+08:00

Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso
Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso
He came from sociedad to play in our midfield
His passing and his shooting are sublime and if we had to choose between him and fat Frank
We would choose Xabi everytime.

Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso
Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso
We drew Luton Town in the Fa Cup
Xabi and the keeper had a race
Xabi had a shot from 70 yards
You should have seen the look on Gerrards face

Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso
Alo-nso its Alonso, Xabi Xabi Alonso

Really don't want Alonso to leave Anfield this transfer window, and least of all to Chelski!! And Barca were simply awesome in this morning's CL final. Heh manure haha.

"Wah cornroll as dark and deep as Conrad sia."

2009-05-24T15:49:00.001+08:00

lol act cheem only

Why so fish-ticated?

2009-05-24T15:31:00.004+08:00

Ah, sophistication. As each day passes I find it gross that people want to be regarded as sophisticated... because things are so much better simpler!
Or maybe because I'm just not so very so fish-ticated myself...

"Sophisticated, pretentious people - be gone!"

Is mere forgetting an excuse?

2009-05-24T15:27:00.003+08:00

Is there space for just plain old forgetting in the list of justifiable excuses, especially in light of the growing list of things to do?

Unfortunately forgetting to care seems to be very much pardoned... not that it should be punished (!), but it's just that caring in itself isn't y'know, compulsorised (is there such a word?) yet. So people just... don't care. My hands are up in this one too.

(I think there's quite a Singa the Courtesy Lion in me that's all and please don't think I am an individual shorn of love lol.)

Tennis

2009-05-24T11:41:00.002+08:00

Finally played some tennis yesterday morning with Walter after a few months. The weather was hot, hot, hot and it drained whatever little fitness I had in me. Was rather inspired to play after watching the A div finals. Was rather disappointed with the way I played because I was quite slow, especially on my backhand side. But good exercise. RI had their open house and I was hit by a stray flying floorball and no one apologised. Hopefully it was because the striker had not seen where his shot had gone, but it might well have not been so. Sometimes I prefer people less smart because they care more about others. This is generally the case but there are many exceptions as well of course.

This is real, this is good

2009-05-24T11:38:00.000+08:00

What warms your insides?

Lucky

2009-05-20T21:01:00.002+08:00

So the worst of the week is over and there's the weekend in sight to look forward to. Watched tennis finals at Kallang with Kartik today, the standard was really good (dropshots were played... dropshots!). Tix to watch Liverpool will cost $88 each! Rather expensive but it's Gerrard, Torres, ALONSO... world-class players we're talking about here. Can't wait for the year to be over and to get out of junior college. Because junior college sucks. Wish I was in a position to choose again, but then again VJ might not have been that good too. Perhaps it would have been nicer to hang out at... being next to the beach isn't all that bad eh? But the distance...

OH POINTLESS THOUGHTS POINTLESS THOUGHTS! (But I really don't quite like the idea of being an RI boy... not because RI boys are bad, but it's just not me la.)

Revealing post this, but ultimately most pointless haha. Must... stop... imagining... self... in... soiled RI uniform....!

So

2009-05-17T15:44:00.002+08:00

manure are champions. Pretty much was all but set in stone as soon as they had edged Wigan out with that carrick goal. A tad disappointing still though, for Arsenal had 61% possession!

Lots to do this week. This week will suck because of the load of brainwork that awaits. Will get marginally better when Wednesday is over. But I will be looking forward, more than usual, to the weekend.

Yesterday was one of the more physically tiring days I've had in a long while. Got owned playing field soccer haha. Was outpaced, outmuscled, outskilled... poor. Can't afford to have more of the Saturdays like I had yesterday though, because school will own me.

Sigh, I really really don't like school. Will get worse, this feeling.

Facebook

2009-05-13T21:09:00.003+08:00

"Huh he ah? Whole day facebook lor."

"Wah! Then how he get good results one?"

"Facebook lor."

"Ya la, then where got time study?"

"Face the book and study lor. Then what."

"Diaozzzz. =.=' "

Title-winning kit?

2009-05-13T20:43:00.004+08:00

New Liverpool away kit for next season finally revealed today! Check it out here!

Ah, yes I know my life revolves around only these many things... but it's enough I guess. Enough to make me happy haha.

(The keeper kit is crazy btw! Pepe Rei(-bana-)na??? Lol ok that's not really funny, but well. It works, kinda. I'm chuckling, so...)

OH OH OH and I've got FOUR tickets RESERVED for JULY 26th! Weehoo.

AND COME ON YOU LATICS! THWART MANURE! AND COME CARLOS COME! YNWA!

haha perhaps the first time I've been this animated in a post. hmmm... animated in a post. wonder how that works out.

Over to you Citeh!

2009-05-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

The PL for Liverpool this season... not to be it seems. Unless, unless Wigan are shaken out of their nothing-to-play-forness and take manure apart at the JJB and Arsenal play like Liverpool at Old Toilet. Not impossible no.

The chances I have blown

2009-05-09T11:18:00.002+08:00

Number quite a few, but I have assurance in what's in store for me in life. A blessed assurance, a hope so sure... a child-like faith perhaps!

Weekend

2009-05-08T18:08:00.002+08:00

Ah, another long weekend comes along. Have got quite a lotta school work to complete though - 5-6 articles in all woah! Will be a good weekend though, as most weekends are!

To lose faith

2009-05-06T19:53:00.002+08:00

Day by day, week by week, and dreary(-ier?) year by year I think I cannot help but lose faith in the humankind because of our frailties. Which is why God's love is made perfect in our weaknesses.

Recently and more often(ly?) I've faced stiffer tests and I can't say I've come out of them unscathed, but I've learnt more than a fair bit from them. And I'm really thankful that I'm learning and changing and getting to know myself a little bit better each time. Really thankful -and in no way does life suck because, because, of, of, of, the tiny flickers of hope here and there that encourage me in my ultimate goal in life! All I can pray and really really hope for is reciprocity - that is all I desire and crave and when I do get it here and there I will be =)

and you know when you get reciprocity because you see it in the eyes of the person you're talking to. (Here I'm not looking for reciprocity to a funny joke or anecdote... but to things that matter!)

I'm not big on the approval of Man - something which I'm afraid is valued beyond propriety in my school. Or anywhere else for that matter. Although sometimes it gets to me and I am frustrated by how it affects me at times. Very limited you see I am.

Perhaps I expect far too much from people around me and that might well be true. I know I am far from anything I envision myself to be too.

Don't mistake this post as a rant (hmmm although it might just be lol), I'm very much at ease while I type this - albeit a tad discouraged, a tad disappointed and a tad unsure if I should even have this on cornroll...

I wonder if people take me seriously on cornroll, because sometimes I struggle in real life (no thanks to my spouting irritating rubbish rather often!). Respect... I'm not sure if it matters if people respect me. It is nice of course, but hard-earned and I don't know what I might have to forfeit to win the approval of people around me. Might not be worth it.

To have a thing for,

2009-05-04T20:56:00.002+08:00

a soft spot for.

I'm sure we all have a group of people/things of which we are particularly fond of because they have common traits/characteristics. It is sometimes interesting to get to know your own preferences/ tastes. Sometimes it delights and sometimes you think you're pretty cool and sometimes you kinda gross yourself out. It's all good fun though!

When a soul slips by.

2009-05-04T15:15:00.000+08:00

I will find you someday, Zhan Yan.

I appreciate people who appreciate people...

2009-05-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

who appreciate people who appreciate people...

To get wind of

2009-05-02T09:32:00.002+08:00

Hmmm... I fear that something's brewing somewhere rather distant from me. Do I stick my nose in, I don't know leh. Am rather disturbed by it really. *shudder shudder* haha.

So-fish-ticated

2009-04-30T01:04:00.003+08:00

Be simpler, naiver la. Why so fishticated?

You'd be an idiot to not be able to tell!

2009-04-30T00:47:00.003+08:00

I'm not... not that much of an idiot! The nature of my interactions with people has changed since Jan last year and I'd be the first to acknowledge that. I wish for consistency. I think it will happen later in life. Not tomorrow! Not the week after... maybe after NS, after uni, after marriage? When I've sorted and figured out myself a little more. Then my relationships will be consistent. I look forward to that day, but life may get a wee bit boring. But there's gotta be more to life/we were meant to live for so much more/there's so much more worth living for/life doesn't stop there/that's not all to life.

For now I'm pondering the point of efficiency in life...

and for now inefficiency will rear its ugly (or pleasant-looking I'm not sure yet) head.

[edit]
well if we weren't efficient we would

Childism

2009-04-29T20:36:00.002+08:00

Greetings.

About 3 and a half hours ago I was thumbing through albums of Pokemon cards, opening up boxes of flag erasers and poring through some rubbish I wrote when I was in primary school. Yes, poring through! Because I was really rather fascinated with the amount of imagination I used to have. Stuff like some comic series called 'Patamon' I had come up with and notes I used to write to my group mates when I was group leader haha (I don't know why I never gave them out). The notes kinda went like this:

"Dear Jason, you've been a gr.....eat group friend. PS: Pls do your duty. Derek. "

Then there was the non-digitalized FM I used to 'play'. Basically I just wrote out my squad and made transfers and all. Surprisingly I did the accounts of the club too. Oh, the name of the club I used to manage was "Dreamz Unlimited", or DUFC. Prior to being knighted and landing the job at Cloudy Park (DUFC's homeground), I was Gerard Houllier's successor at LFC and I sold Carragher for 2mil quid to Blackburn in my first season. Fascinating stuff. Reckon I did all these rubbish when I was p4 or something. And then there was a time when I had the option of letting my players rest for three days in Mauritius but I turned it down because it was too expensive. Oh, and I actually had to pay my shirt sponsor Umbro for the kits - it was something like 20mil a season. In my time at DUFC I only lost to Chelsea because of an 88th minute Hasselbaink penalty.

My line-up was something like Seaman, Neville, Henchoz, Ferdinand, Hyypia, Beckham, Vieira, Rivaldo, Figo, v.Nistelrooy and Solksjaer. Doesn't make much tactical sense... but there you go. Oh kay, I've got to go do my econs essay now.

When the senses abandon their defences

2009-04-27T22:25:00.001+08:00

Sin creeps in...

and creeps in easily too, for we are creatures of much sensuality and little sensibility!

Week in Preview

2009-04-27T21:58:00.001+08:00

Week's got off to a good enough start. Work looms, but with a easy, unloaded soul, things will go just fine.

Laidback

2009-04-24T17:02:00.002+08:00

Unfortunately industry doesn't quite come easily to me. Or come easier, maybe, because I don't think anyone quite fancies hardwork. Had a good chat with Marvin today over lunch, and I know my being all slack and unproductive isn't quite ideal for a Christian. I'd kinda known it isn't the best testament for the Lord all this time, just needed someone to affirm and make explicit the spiritual failings of a languid lifestyle. So thanks Marvin. I will strive to make each day as fruitful as I possibly can from now.

Yet there remains a fine line drawn between the focus on things spiritual and things earthly. I'm not too sure if there should be a 50-50 split between the importance of these two (which translates also to the allocation of time to each). I'd tend to think that things spiritual remain of utmost importance, but in no way should earthly responsibilities be slighted. I think I'll leave it to my discernment, which I pray that God will grant me!

Keep rolling

2009-04-23T19:15:00.004+08:00

So cornroll once again becomes my outlet and where I am most comfortable, sadly. Am bound very much to my nature and I sometimes do things I don't want to do and don't do things I want to do. These days I have been impatient, judgmental, cynical, resigned and not the person I want to be! Haven't exactly been emanating the best of vibes, unfortunately. It eats at me somehow and it's a downward spiral I'm afraid. It's becoming easier to see how people slip into certain down periods in their lives (not using the big D word here haha) - not good. Saturday, fellowship, laughter and peace can't come quick enough!!!!

Just a little

2009-04-21T23:18:00.003+08:00

A Levels aren't that far away now, hope they come soon and then I'll be over and done with JC! And aiya, sometimes I don't like finding out more about people because it bursts the bubble around them. Just a little saddening... disappointing. I'm feeling all disillusioned with the world now haha. People just suck. Everyone. Everyone sucks, including me. lol. Wish I really could just laugh this off... but I really do mean it. I need to see the good in people soon!

POTO

2009-04-20T22:42:00.004+08:00

Used to like this song and delight in what wit it had when I was in primary school. Still floats my boat haha, and I think I can still mouth the lyrics (almost!).

(If you get bored with the first 7 mins... the last 3 mins are pretty awesome to listen to.)

LOL (and I really mean it!)

2009-04-19T23:01:00.003+08:00

"The CH gentlemen is a gracious lad,
Responsible in all we say and do.
Respectful to everyone we meet,
We greet everyone with a smile and a bow.

We dress very smartly and we play far,
We will preserve and fight to the end.
We produce work of high quality,
Yes we are the CH gentlemen."

Was some Catholic High jingle a couple of years back.

Fortunately and understandably, it didn't quite catch on. I think the "smile and a bow" part is hi-hi-hilarious. Imagine if I really followed strictly the lyrics - I would be a... freak.

Ah, but Catholic High, there've been moments. There have been, but not many I'm particularly fond of though. Still, a bit of me remains in 9, Bishan Street 22.

My term paper conclusion

2009-04-19T22:33:00.002+08:00

To conclude, Singapore is champion of the world.

These things I like

2009-04-19T21:55:00.003+08:00

On another note, I've lost a little faith in human relationships and their ability to last, for in all of us lies a degree of intransigence and self-righteousness. Which is why the prospect of a life partner seems a wee bit daunting. And lol, this is not a lame cooked-up excuse for an unwillingness to commit in future (which I hope doesn't happen). Life in the meantime, remains good.

Zonal mucking

2009-04-19T21:02:00.003+08:00

Haven't for a long time felt as comfortable as I was socially during dinner on Saturday. Most times I feel incongruent but a happy listener haha.

It's probably been the most unproductive week of the year I've just had, sorry my sentence structures are oddly formed. My SEA Hist term paper's rather hastily put together too. Next week can only be more productive I hope.

Sock her

2009-04-16T19:39:00.003+08:00

(Perhaps not the most civil of titles, but plain old Soccer is a little boring.)

Ah, soccer soccer soccer. Truly the beautiful game (perhaps beach volleyball/women's tennis/water polo fans might have issues with this statement?). Have to say that it is indeed one of the few passions in my life. Has to be rather powerful, this sport, if it is able to draw as much of a response it has from me. I'm a rather fervent Liverpool fan (you might have guessed) and I've been itching to play soccer these days.

Finally got down to a kickabout this afternoon with Jian Ying, Woo Sheng, Tom, Gabriel Ng, Carvin and a few others. Wasn't the most competitive game (especially when we were playing on the 'D' next to the field where the soccer guys were training!) but it was fun enough. My finishing was better than usual today (not saying much haha) and I think I've gotten a little more confident on the ball now. I'd play small 5-a-side games anytime over field soccer, because I sorely lack pace haha.

Been wasting lotsa time this week, studying/revision has been far from hitting top gear heh. The library's DVD collection is awesome by the way - what better way is there to laze an afternoon away than lounging around catching movies. Am well and truly a slacker haha, I need to channel my energies somewhere - and I think I know where!

[edit] lol was cutting my nails and I just realised the nail on my fourth toe of my right foot is badly cracked through the middle horizontally across. Could come off anytime soon... afternoon PE tmr? hehehe cool

What now?

2009-04-13T20:51:00.003+08:00

Sigh, today the wind's been taken out of my sails a little. Work threatens to overwhelm this term (which really only really starts now) and it becomes ever harder to set my sights on things eternal. The prospects of and the content taught in Psychology seem to be a little dodgy too, some things I've found out upon further sleuthing about. And I met yet another taxi uncle today who shared more or less the same views on life as... the previous taxi uncle I chatted with.

Probability is really tough too. Now things start to swirl a bit and my mind is clouded. To trawl through SEA hist readings would be draining too. Such academic rigour, my brain chokes and sputters... and sputters and chokes. Whine sob whine sob... I irritate I know haha. Can be quite a moaner at times.

Oh and RJ won both water polo titles, that's a good thing. kjianying scored two goals which I missed (which probably didn't mean much since they probably weren't too spectacular =p). Good on ya and let's hope Arsenal progress to the semis of the Champs Lg and annhilate manure.

Don't know why I am so devoid of spark and life right now. So resigned, inertia-ed and tired and sian. I think the weekend was too good!