Shoot.

I'm determined to stay up to do some integrating (the math one, besides the same process I am still going through at school).

And I'm not going to let the longest post I've ever made disappear into oblivion (that is, the archives). No, no.

It'll stay here for as long as I want it to, when I've come up with a sufficient number of good quality posts to knock it off cornroll's Prime section.

=)

08/08/2008

Hey there. I meant to spend this time scheduling the next few weeks of my life before the Promotion Exams, but I've just had one of the better weekends this year (and that's saying quite a bit, cos it's been a good year), so I've decided half an hour ago to blog about it before it's erased from my memory for good (which happens - easily). This post is probably going to turn out rather long and narrative unless, *fingers crossed, Jia Yun or Audrey have uploaded pictures on Facebook. But I'm not expecting that, since they are busy people. So well, yeah I've just checked, and they aren't there. So it's alright! It'll just be a drab, lifeless post chock full of words. edit- Audrey's uploaded hers, hoorah!


Henry and Shin Yi's failed jumpshot!


Woo

By the way, I am now listening to Jesse McCartney's "Leavin'", and both song and artiste are not usually my kind. But I actually find it decent to listen to, or even *gasp, enjoyable. Now the part where Jesse sings "no stress, no stress, no stress" is playing, and it's nice. He has a pleasant voice, but he sounds very girly though. He's such a pretty boy, and its weird seeing the "Leavin'" MV where he's frolicking and cavorting with this hot babe. Hmmm.

Oh, but anyway, yeah my weekend. It was really quite good. It all started with National Day celebrations on Thursday night, which was really quite good, even with the throwing of the light sticks. But whereas I'd been rather displeased with the throwing that was going on at CHMA, I didn't quite feel as agitated this time. I think I'm subconsciously biased towards RJ now? But then again, it wouldn't really be subconscious if I'm stating it out like that haha. Hmm but well I think it may have to do with me being a current student at RJ, because I might, I just might have even enjoyed the throwing that was going on at CHMA if I was still in my green bermudas, and even thrown a stick or two (unlikely).

Well that part above didn't quite make sense, I'm sorry.

But life is a journey of self-realization, and I'm wondering if this is present in the bible somewhere, or whether its implied in there. It's only this year I've been finding out more about myself actively. Oh the Community Shield is on now.


And I'm afraid I haven't come to any conclusions about myself, and I'm still wondering if I should base my sense of self on the judgments that others have of me? It's unlikely that I will ever come to having any definite knowledge of who I am and what I am like as a person, but time will tell I guess. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to appear as if I'm thinking, and I am. And that just reminded me of an interchange between Brian and me that went something like this:

Me: Hey Brian, you alright? You look really tired!

Brian: That's because I am!

Well. It may not seem as funny worded out like that, but I find it amusing how I always question things that are apparent. I think I'm very much a doubter, like Thomas the disciple was. My reaction to statements are often an unsure "Really?", and it happens even though I don't mean it most of the time. I think it's irritating, and it reflects my uncertainty and how assured (not really so) I am deep down. Back in my head I am 95% sure it's the truth, but the 5% just gnaws at me and my nerves just signal for my tongue to utter a "Really?"!

Okay this is boring, if I keep going on and on about myself. I'm finding it boring talking about myself too. But well, I'll just type what comes to mind.


Tired after cycling... and there's still the journey back to the kiosk!


Brian up on a tree crawling with ants.


Then Shin Yi came along.

With no reference to the class outing I've had this weekend, I think my class is abnormally intellectual and rather outspoken. And I think the day I speak confidently and spontaneously in front of them is when I can speak to anyone else. Well, that just came to mind. I think the number of times I've spoken without prompting in class can be counted on one hand haha. Hopefully I'm improving though, because I've just started talking to my Civics Tutor proper on Saturday, even if what I said/asked were extremely unintellectual, trivial things. But I decided he was human too, though it wasn't quite an easy decision to make.

Well I can't quite remember what else I said to him, but one of the questions I asked went something like that:

Me (enthusiastically): So, Mr. K, where do you cut your hair?

Mr K. (probably taken aback by the simplicity of such a question) : Well...

Mr K. gets twitchy and eyes rove about, a signal that he is thinking.

Me: You do cut your hair don't you? (an utterance that may seem rude on hindsight actually)

Mr K. : Well yes, at ______ Way. (can't remember)

That was in no way meant to be a jibe at him or anything remotely barb-like. Just that I've always felt that Mr K. was someone way too smart to talk to and was thus deterred. It was only on Saturday afternoon, when a classmate of mine thrust at me a handphone with Mr K. on the line, and I took the momentous decision to engage in some proper conversing with him. It was only then I felt that he could be someone I could converse with even though I'm not one for rigorous academic pursuit. And as the conversation went on (I might have actually seemed more comfortable talking to him than some of my classmates), I sensed the delight in his voice at being asked out by the class. That was when he was humanized (to me), and when I realised he could actually be someone I could talk to with ease, if not *gasp, a friend. Which isn't entirely a wild thought when I think about it.

This is bad. Reader, you're reading a lot into my mind now!


Group shot among the trees I found really nice and foreign-looking.

Well okay. It's been an awesome, awesome weekend, because:

1) I spent half of it with 1A.
2) I taught proper for the first time in my life.
3) I put on my contacts successfully.
4) I went back to Catholic High for Speech Day, seeing and meeting some old friends.

But really, most of its awesomeness is derived from reason number 1. Reason number 1 IS reason number 1!

It's been an awesome past few days, because of the amount of human connection I've had. Today, during the English lessons in church where I taught, I started the ball rolling in answering:

What's your name?
What are your hobbies?
What makes you happy?

Question 1 was easy to answer (it'd better be), question 2 made me think a bit (then question *again* the meaning of my life). If you're really interested, and you don't actually have a choice haha, I listed watching soccer and playing tennis as my hobbies.

I do hope some people have read up till this point! hahaha.

So what made me happy. And quite sincerely and without much thinking I said,

"Making other people happy."

And it wasn't even an attempt to sound noble or altruistic, hand on heart. It just came to mind! Though Esther followed up my answer immediately with something to the tune of my answer being cheesy, I thought I'd really meant what I'd said...

And I think it's really a substantial source of the joy I derive. Not just making other people happy, but also seeing them so. Smiling and laughing are contagious! So that's the reason I keep making puns that may not even be funny hahaha. So yes, it's a selfish motive!


Chilling at the grass patches outside the Esplanade, which were prickly.




People think I'm a happy person. And I guess I am generally happier than the average angsty teenager. But then again, it's a 50-50 thing, I have my own fair share of mood swings and chirpy, happy phases. I don't really like it, some days I wake up all bright and talkative, others I feel like crap! Really. And I'd like to apologize to my sister too, not because I am excessively mean to her, but because I feel that she never gets to see how I am like when I'm all talkative and enthusiastic and bright-eyed. I don't know, that part of me just never surfaces when I'm with my family.

(Woah, I'm opening quite a lot on cornroll in this post! Historic post!)

I'm socially awkward at times too. Some times I wish I conducted myself/acted/reacted better in social situations. Just like the night of the stayover, when the lights were off and Celine and Shin Yi were seriously_speaking, and I eavesdropped! Which was definitely super rude, and my mind kept telling me that I had to tell them I was listening in and ask them if I could perhaps join in, but I didn't. Yeah, I'm unwittingly bad in my manners I'm afraid. And oh yeah, if you're wondering, I did have a chat with them in the end, and it was a good conversation we had. I'm still feeling extremely guilty about eavesdropping though. But the chat was good, I got to know how girls were human too in the way they wonder about life and what it means.

Cool. So as you can see, the stayover was pretty good, and a million zillion gazillion Godzilla thanks to accommodating host Jiayun. Felt kinda bad when her family had to watch T.V away from the sitting area in the living room though, but again, didn't act on it! Yeah we played Cheat/Bluff, trooped to Celine's house to get some DVD's over to watch (didn't in the end!), chatted about people foreign to me haha, yada yada, time passed super fast la! And in the morning we woke up, then Audrey joined us at ECP, we engaged in our class sport cycling, proceeded to sleep on our bus journey to Suntec, hung around on one of the grass patches outside the Esplanade with foreign workers, engaged in some conversation, whiled away the time, called Mr K., yada yada, went on to Marina Square for dinnner at Thai Express (where 4 of us indulged in the sinfully tasty curry softshell crab rice), caught a glimpse of the fireworks from the awfully packed outdoor area at MS (knocking over people's drinks and *almost their steamboat dinners), had Mr K. treat us to supper at this atas place called Max Brenner (?), bade goodbye.


Marshmellow Crepe I had at Max Brenner's courtesy of Mr K.


Brian and his hot chocolate in a hug-mug!


Audrey and Jiayun with their banana and waffles and ice-cream thingum.




Tze Ern tucking into his Suckao, likewise Shin Yi and Celine into their waffles cakey kinda dessert with molten chocolate in the centre.


Henry and me.


Group shot!

and it was at Max Brenner's that Mr K. suddenly seemed so much more than just trapped within the confines of academia. In contrast, I suddenly felt that I was the one who hadn't experienced life proper! And (after supper) I'd would have thought that Mr K. could only have joined us for dinner because he had cancelled his weekend cavort in the Barbados or something. But had a reality check when he revealed he'd sacrificed the opportunity cost of crafting Southeast Asian lecture notes to join his dear civics class for dinner. So he enthralled us (or at least me) with his tales of adventures in lands far far away (not the old NLB library), of how he'd have had his valuables stolen away at the window sill if not for his "unmanly", albeit timely yelp (a classic I tell you, that left us all in stitches... and bewilderment), how he was carried down from a mountain after a bout of bad food poisoning, how he wade through waist-high water, cycled through the countryside in France...




So, brilliant weekend. Afraid it's all downhill from here till after the onslaught that are Promos at least... but well, I'm savoring the moments I've had. Thank you everyone who made my weekend. *glows

(wanted to have a list of people, but decided against it for fear of missing out anyone hehe)

and thanks for the photos Audrey!