#577

Wow, it's already post number five hundred and seventy seven on cornroll. Wasn't too long ago I hit 500! Time passes really, really quick. J1's been too fast! Now that the year, or at least the school year, is over proper, I think I can start recounting what '08 has been like for me. Although of course, there's LOTS to look forward to during the EOY hols - Vietnam! CEC! Turkey! Camp Xmas! Humanz Xmas Party! 

Well well, what a year it has been, nothing I've ever experienced before in my 17 years. Can't quite remember what I did prior to p4, memories are extremely hazy! p5-p6 years were awkward, sec1-4 generally forgettable. then along came j1. 

I don't usually commit things to memory, but I don't think I have to remember what the year has been like, because these most pleasant memories come flooding my mind the moment I think of '08. Sure, it's had its ups and downs (most typical), but the ups sure outweigh and outnumber the downs, to the extent that the downs weigh nothing at all in comparison! Can't quite single out a single bad, extremely bad memory this year, I'm fortunate my mind works this way. Wouldn't like to fish out any too though. 

Gosh, on another note, today I fell sick for the first time in a long while. Not sore throat kinda sick, but weak and feverish kind of sick. But I'm feeling fine now, even though it's 1.20am and I really should get my sleep. I think I must work my way through this post!

Yeah, goooooot year indeed. This year I came to converse with fellow beings, this year I came to find out much much more about both derek and ziding, this year I drew closest to God. 

(Woo my stomach's funny now. Had some weird pudding drink today which was 1/3 carnation milk! Gosh!)

Today I count my blessings, and God has been most merciful to me! 

I thank God for the people in my life right now. Even those whom I find hard to love. I know it's often mentioned, not always meant. But I'd really want to think that I mean it when I say I am grateful for EVERYONE God has placed in my path. Well obviously there's my class, this has been said quite abit. 1A has been a blessing to me, but I'd really want to know all my classmates better. Doesn't help that I'm not the most urbane and socially adept creature around hehe. Yeah, I want to get to know my classmates better on the Humanz Trip. 

Besides 1A there's also been the friends I've made in Reuben's church during YP. People like Joel, Bak, Lydia Sng, Cedric, Jonathan, Li Ling, Lisa, Seng Hean, Nicholas, James, Ren An, Xin An, Jordan, Danna... people who have really helped me grow spiritually this year and draw closer to God. I am thankful for them. 

Recently I've been a little troubled by my inability to connect with people, especially girls. I feel jittery, I feel uncomfortable, I feel ill at ease sometimes when I talk to people. But I guess I've come to accept it as my nature, and I think I'll just do more listening for now haha. 

This year my inadequacies have also hit me harder in the presence of crazily-talented people haha. And honestly I've had my struggles with them sometimes, but now I can say that I've had them. I think I've come to accept what God has given me, albeit not totally at the moment. It's a process. 

Hehe this is a most contemplative post. I will continue contemplating. 

Okay, what else is there to ponder upon... 

Hmm now that I've more or less considered the past... will move on to the future! 

It's quite interesting to eventually know who I will marry. I think marriage is at once both beautiful and rather scary. It's quite a commitment... isn't it? haha. Well a certain side of me thinks that it may be kinda interesting and cool to have a girlfriend at this point of time, because well, it's nice to have someone fussing over you hahaha (which my mum and sis don't do quite a lot of I guess). And I think it's cool to be able to have someone so close to you. 

BUT BUT BUT (that's 3 big buts for you) the better sense and side of me feels that I'd only get a girlfriend if I were certain I'd want her to be my wife, which really is the point of gettting a girlfriend isn't it? ("No," says most of the world). Yes I'd only get a girlfriend if I'm 101% sure and its going to be 101% steady. But then you say, no, that can never be possible. Yes that is quite true, for it is never going to be certain. But I assure you what's impossible by Man's standards is totally possible by God's power. So I entrust this portion of my life (okay, my love life - whatever's existing of it) into His hands. 

FOR NOW, I will think of better things to do, like