horrors

someone called me stupid,

oh yes, geog elec was stupid, real stupid. which is what you can expect when you sit beside derekwongziding






then shut me up,

...thus i shut him up with a nice lil jab to his shoulder.








and then claimed he enjoys my irritating.

haha, anyway, wong, its good to sit beside you, i have someone who likes to irritate and i can irritate him back.










compare this with the snippet below from my ex-partner's blog





he obviously loved me.

He sat beside me for 2yrs durin my sec 1 & 2 life.

He was the first guy who gave mi the nickname of "p*****"



he thinks i'm cool.

His blog mostly contains picture, which I feel dat it is cool, since a picture tells 1000 words,



he thinks i'm nice.

To mi, he is quite a nice guy. He look rather decent, but dun be fooled by his appearance. Looks can be deceiving.



he thinks i'm a great buddy.

IMO, he has been a great buddy for 2yrs.



he thinks i'm annoying.

Kind of irritating sometimes, funny at times oso.



and this sentence is so wrong la.

He is oso rather friendly and sociable, but has a fierce side of him as well.

i am not sociable and i'm not fierce la please. friendly maybe, but fierce??? i only see my friends as slaves who owe me their life. and everything else. i think that's normal.



he's gay.

If u are lookin' for someone fun and u dun mind being irritated by the person at the same time, he is the right guy.



he makes sense finally.

Jk lar, but I am honoured to have him as a fren










so there, i have had two seating partners in 4 years, 2 years for each.



sat next to chia si chuan in sec 1 and 2, then edwin teng in sec 3 and 4.


si chuan had it much worse, since he has such a kind and meek nature. and he's kinda like, dim. haha no la like not so smart. i mean like he's the kind that smiles smiles to insults. but he's a very nice honest boy. and it's a pity he sat next to me cos it kinda made him sad.

i'm so sorry si chuan. i gave him lots of nicknames, gave him a species (i still remember, homopapacumberitis). basically i just irritated the hell out of him and it got to a point where he seriously wanted to report me to the teacher or something. he's forgotten now la, but i still remember cos he looked so sad.


but things didn't get way out of hand, since i can be tamed by poking. which edwin does a lot of. and whenever i disturb him i have to recline to anti-poke position and it's kinda spastic and inconvenient.



edwin is smarter. he makes a good sparring partner, but still resorts to violence when he can't think of anything.


he even claims he won me in a rap battle today.


oh yeah, yomama jokes for the day. today it lasted a few rounds. but none of the jokes were at all funny.




derek: yo edwin, yomama so fat, when she was suntanning at the beach the police cordoned off the area cos they thought a whale had beached.

edwin: yo derek, yomama so fat, she looks like a whopper with a little cheese.






obviously i win la. i don't even get his joke. most of our jokes were met with puzzled expressions by the other, so it didn't turn out very fun since the joke teller would be the one laughing.

mmm not fun.





so we played table tennis after school. which was lame. but i like it, cos it's one of borat's favourite past times besides disco dancing.


i was being very irritating as usual, so was edwin.



i pretended i was nadal as i slid and slipped on the HDB void deck concrete floor to get to the easiest of balls. punctuated by a loud "Vamos!!" everytime i won a point, which is what nadal yells sometimes. it means "let's go" in spanish i think. or cantonese. spanish. yup spanish.


and that was so not funny. i hate attempts to be funny that fail miserably. that being one of them misses.


"in spanish i think. or cantonese. spanish. yup spanish."


not funnaye.


edwin thought he was hewitt, since he only had a backhand. but that's where he was wrong, cos hewitt has a forehand and shows passion and effort. edwin shows less passion than a derek in a room without food.



so it sucked. cos edwin sucked. not only because he claimed he won me in a rap battle today (the audacity!), but because he was edwin too. oh ya, he had his breasts squeezed by a punker today. so maybe i'll be nicer.

then i remember his stupid scribbling on my arm today that went something like "no brains all fats". ok edwin sucks.


but it was okay, ballpoint ink, not tattooed.



but then again he didn't share much of his tomyam instant noodles with me.





ok where is this post headed to, i don't know. the lack of focus, the lack of focus.









so we played table tennis. and in order to fire up edwin, i challenged him to an ultimate match.

the stakes:


1) the winner would be termed winner forever, and the loser would be termed a loser for the rest of his life.

2) the loser would do 10 push ups for every point lost.


3) the loser would owe the winner one million dollars.



i think i won 11-6 or something. but stupid he didn't stick to the conditions set. what a sore loser. i agreed to let him off the first 2 terms, but he would owe me 1000000 dollars.

i checked his wallet and found 4 dollars. i took it and told him he owed me 999996 dollars. then i stole his ping pong ball. $999995.50





i doubted he had 1 million dollars in cash, so i told him not to worry. he could either



1) give me his house and car

OR

2) let me spray his face with water



you should know that he was being a defiant $%^& during this entire period, showing off his stupid stomach. so don't feel sorry for him. ever.





he cleverly opted for option 1. so i told him to get his dad park his BMW at my house by tonight. and also sign the handover papers for all his stocks, property whatever.




edwin went berserk and chased me but couldn't catch me. i threw a ping pong ball at him. i mean my ping pong ball. he took off his slippers and gave chase. i surrendered.








but wait. okay we bought drinks then went up. at the door i had a look at edwin's gate. it was kinda rusty. i asked him if he could change it.


"yeah sure, of course. this kinda can change one."


"oh great. cos for my house i prefer..."






edwin gives me a blank look, obviously thinking i'm joking.





we enter, hey his grandma is there, totally oblivious to the fact that she would have to shift house very soon. she smiles and says hi to her grandson and the future owner of her house.








the end.









i'm just kidding. edwin pls don't get your dad to read this, but i know you would.

sorry uncle, kai wan xiao ba le.