Vitagen is the healthier probiotics drink.

well... my title is just really random. i draw inspiration from things around me, and when i blog it's usually things on the comp table (that inspire me). like the apple flavoured vitagen bottle next to my keyboard (now empty). i'm not sure what vitagen does exactly... it's apparently good for your digestion apparently? and about this moment this vitagen song plays in my mind. it goes something like

something something (i've forgotten the words) vitagen,
it's good for your digestion!

it's so nice that vitagen and digestion rhymes. i love things that click in place nicely. i'm pretty much a perfectionist when it comes to certain things like this. i can't think of a general grouping of stuff in which i am a perfectionist, but well. i guess i'm weird that way.

haha i don't think anyone would really understand what i'm saying. i'm not too sure myself too. i mean it's clear in my mind what i am thinking, but to lay it out in words is sorta beyond me at times.





ahhhhhh this post is going nowhere. it's funny that sometimes inspiration comes and goes. when something becomes routine (ie blogging every night, or at least trying to), it gets harder to get inspired.

today was the first day of the children's enrichment camp, in which i am a small small games section helper. i just sorta stand around, and make sure the kids do the correct stuff and don't get hurt. i also helped in the games deco and the cleaning up and stuff. i'm trying to make myself as useful as possible, haha, cos i'm pretty hopeless when it comes to stuff like forming relationships and winning people over with charm and charisma. i've realized pretty much that i've not been made that way and programmed that way, and my way of expression is through writing (and typing). i've accepted and become accustomed to the fact that i'm not a social animal! which is good in a way, since i hardly make enemies this way. like, the less words you say, the less danger there is in offending someone. and and *ahem ahem it seems that the wiser ones don't really speak much *ahem ahem ahem.

so, *ahem ahem, pardon me, my cough is really acting up on me, as i was saying, *ahem ahem, today was the first day of CEC. i suppose most who read this blog aren't from my church, so i'd sorta explain briefly what it is. well, cec stands for children's enrichment camp, and it's organised by thomson road baptist church, my church. it's sorta an annual thing and the church people are involved in it. it's a day camp and it lasts for four days (20-23 nov). so well, i'm pretty much a NOOBBBBB myself, since this is the first year i'm in it. so yeah, it's sorta a fresh experience for moi. besides, i've been thinking, i may not be too free during the hols the next few years. awww. maybe next year probably, but when i'm in j2 i would be taking my a's. wooo, the a levels.

it's strange that i've never really been part of a team effort. ok, actually i have, but it's fast becoming a queer feeling to be a part of a team after my days of mugging in solitude for the o's. (ps i nv believed in group studying). i was in the pri sch bball team, and yeah maybe there was some camaraderie felt there. scouts too, albeit for 6 months hahaha. being part of the tennis team was also great... woah actually the feeling of being in a team is wonderful. the shared goals and the hardwork put in and the satisfaction at the end...

i think the ability to connect with a fellow human being is priceless! like seriously, a person who can think and feel ( ok, i'm sounding like a freak here, but please, it's just what i'm really thinking at the moment). i think that God's creations are really wonderful. man, the ability to analyse and sense and love! seriously, it's overwhelming me now, this realization. and this is when i think of marriage being such a lovely thing, the union of two lives, and again one common goal. and when i think of marriages and stuff, i think of other things closer to me that are more real to me, and suddenly this beautiful image within some bubble is shattered.

it's not that it affects me though, and this seriously comes from the bottom of my heart. i can do without a ******. it's no big deal really. i guess i'm a really detached person. and i'm afraid that this may come back to haunt me some day like a double-edged sword, for i tend to be fickle in stuff like *ahem. not that the *ahem stands for anything in particular, i really couldn't bring myself to type out certain things that are i feel uncomfortable with haha, for i am such a innocuous and anti-*ahem kinda person.

ok, so i figured that you wouldn't be figuring out anything from that paragraph. and so i have little choice but to tell you what the *ahem is. it's love.

not that i've LOVED (as in really husband-wife kinda LOVE) any girl before though (not at this freaking age!) . but it's just that, i'm not the kind of person who is really intense in his feelings, i'm more the kinda whose feelings just skim the surface. which makes me seem somewhat unfeeling at times. and this is what, i reckon, makes me seem emotionless and un-emo. i've never really been emo in my life. even in what others may see as rather testing times. it's not that i'm like, super resilient and strong and able to put aside stuff. it's simply because they don't affect me at all, cos i'm so freaking detached! and it seems good, it seems bad.