so this is what i've forsaken (for now) my history literature essay for?
hey everyone. i'm trying my best to make this an emo post, cos i've been too happy and la-tee-dah in my life, living life much like an airhead really. perhaps being emo would cause me to become more grounded, rather than just breezing past the days without a single care in the world. i'm not sure if my logic is flawed, but it makes sense to me i guess. i don't know, but emo seems the best way to drag me down to reality, from the airy-fairyness of lackluster living.
i've realised i've been far too happy, abnormally happy for most of my 16 odd years. and it's only about now, this year, that i've come to realise why i've been perenially unaffected and pinned down by life and its woes. it's because i haven't been thinking about the realities of the world and my life and my goals and purposes that i ought to be having. now that i'm into the seventeenth year of my life, and well and truly into jc life, i'm starting to question where i'm headed towards. i'm starting to think of what i'm gonna do with the youth that i possess and the blood that pumps thru my veins. i'm thinking, i've gotta have dreams, aspirations! a purpose! instead of just floundering and mooning about. slipping in and out of a consciousness of what i'm about to do the next hour. time passes me by so rapidly that the next time i bother to check what time it is, i've lost opportunities. opportunity cost, i've learnt in economics. thing is that i've had opportunities traded for nuffin'.
and when i look around me, i see people younger than me, not much older than me and my peers. and i see in many of them something i've haven't had in a while. passion. i don't know if it's just my personality that causes me to be so blase in my outlook towards life, or if its the drive in life that i lack.
And i'm constantly thinking to myself as i type out my thoughts: should i really be doing this? intentionally dragging myself down so that i can turn mature faster, acting emo for the sake of trying to find the adult in me!
and i think, no. this isn't the derek i want to be.
i'll just be ME.
i've realised i've been far too happy, abnormally happy for most of my 16 odd years. and it's only about now, this year, that i've come to realise why i've been perenially unaffected and pinned down by life and its woes. it's because i haven't been thinking about the realities of the world and my life and my goals and purposes that i ought to be having. now that i'm into the seventeenth year of my life, and well and truly into jc life, i'm starting to question where i'm headed towards. i'm starting to think of what i'm gonna do with the youth that i possess and the blood that pumps thru my veins. i'm thinking, i've gotta have dreams, aspirations! a purpose! instead of just floundering and mooning about. slipping in and out of a consciousness of what i'm about to do the next hour. time passes me by so rapidly that the next time i bother to check what time it is, i've lost opportunities. opportunity cost, i've learnt in economics. thing is that i've had opportunities traded for nuffin'.
and when i look around me, i see people younger than me, not much older than me and my peers. and i see in many of them something i've haven't had in a while. passion. i don't know if it's just my personality that causes me to be so blase in my outlook towards life, or if its the drive in life that i lack.
And i'm constantly thinking to myself as i type out my thoughts: should i really be doing this? intentionally dragging myself down so that i can turn mature faster, acting emo for the sake of trying to find the adult in me!
and i think, no. this isn't the derek i want to be.
i'll just be ME.
posted by Oner at
Saturday, February 09, 2008
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