To lose faith

Day by day, week by week, and dreary(-ier?) year by year I think I cannot help but lose faith in the humankind because of our frailties. Which is why God's love is made perfect in our weaknesses.

Recently and more often(ly?) I've faced stiffer tests and I can't say I've come out of them unscathed, but I've learnt more than a fair bit from them. And I'm really thankful that I'm learning and changing and getting to know myself a little bit better each time. Really thankful -and in no way does life suck because, because, of, of, of, the tiny flickers of hope here and there that encourage me in my ultimate goal in life! All I can pray and really really hope for is reciprocity - that is all I desire and crave and when I do get it here and there I will be =)

and you know when you get reciprocity because you see it in the eyes of the person you're talking to. (Here I'm not looking for reciprocity to a funny joke or anecdote... but to things that matter!)

I'm not big on the approval of Man - something which I'm afraid is valued beyond propriety in my school. Or anywhere else for that matter. Although sometimes it gets to me and I am frustrated by how it affects me at times. Very limited you see I am.

Perhaps I expect far too much from people around me and that might well be true. I know I am far from anything I envision myself to be too.

Don't mistake this post as a rant (hmmm although it might just be lol), I'm very much at ease while I type this - albeit a tad discouraged, a tad disappointed and a tad unsure if I should even have this on cornroll...

I wonder if people take me seriously on cornroll, because sometimes I struggle in real life (no thanks to my spouting irritating rubbish rather often!). Respect... I'm not sure if it matters if people respect me. It is nice of course, but hard-earned and I don't know what I might have to forfeit to win the approval of people around me. Might not be worth it.