Corn-fused

(Title is not in reference to the maize version of the Siamese twins, but really just a poor pun that I deviced that tries to put together Cornroll and confused. Yes, even the best fall down sometimes. )

Well, the moment I switched the URL of my blog from springstein.blogspot.com (which was really a poor spelling of Bruce Springsteen's surname) to cornroll.blogspot.com some 3 or 4 years ago, I felt my life had changed. hahahaa.

The title cornroll was pretty much random. Sec 1 and 2 was when I felt it cool to be associated with corn, and somehow this queer and most unlikely infatuation grew into something bigger, but it fortunately came to a gradual decline in Sec 3. It's all a blur now really, but I do think I wasn't quite in my right mind in lower sec, or through the whole of secondary school. It might have been a Catholic High thing, or perhaps I have *drumroll* matured. I think I have, undoubtedly. Just look at the earliest posts I did, I shudder when I see them. 

So yeah, corn. I did fancy eating the vegetable/fruit (?), but I admittedly exaggerated my liking for it haha, just so I could have an identity, and that identity was founded in corn. Which was most bizarre on hindsight, but it might have made sense to me then, for I was in cat high. So this translated to me trying to relate everything I did to corn, and tadah, cornroll.blogspot.com was conceived. Cornroll was pretty much fabricated out of nothing, I probably had cornrow (the hairstyle often fancied by African-Americans) at the back of my mind. I also thought that (and still think, actually) swissrolls were lovely and comforting confectionary produce, and I kinda wanted cornroll to be that way too, to be where I baked my most treasured memories (haha this is perhaps taking it too far). 

Well 3-4 years on, I think it has been quite a delight blogging on cornroll, I find myself most at ease typing at the Create Post page and am able to articulate best on this page, unfortunately (?). Well fortunately too, cornroll's also been an outlet and domain through which people are able to see what I am thinking, for cornroll is where my thoughts and my words converge and align most coherently. I do notice that I am a rather different person outside of cornroll, and that is scary to me. I don't know, I just can't act out my craziness as easily as I word it out hahaha. Which may be quite a good thing actually heh. Well, what vlogging debacle? hahah. 

Hmm but well, lately I have been finding it harder to blog on cornroll, because (as you may have noticed) I am very much easily swayed by the opinions and expectations of people. It is their gaze that makes and moulds me, and that is very bad I feel. I am a victim of peer pressure, nooooo! Haha. But I guess everyone is, to a certain extent. I mean, come to think of it, I think cornroll's been one of the greater achievements in my life, because people actually read it. So sometimes, and more so recently, I question why I am actually adding input into cornroll. Previously, when I blogged, I just did so without thinking about what the people reading it might have thought, but now I do factor in what people might think as I word out the post, and I must say that it does affect the way I blog. 

I think I have tremendously frail mental strength. 

On to PW I&R!