My little world

My feet hurt. There's the blisters and a bit of aching and creaking and funny twitching of ligaments here and there. Played a tad too much today heh, so the room remains unpacked and the H3 not really touched. Fridays look to be extremely slacky... I finish at 10.15am or something, every week too! So today some of our class headed to the Kopitiam at Thomson Plaza for brunch. After that Kartik and I headed to the RI courts to play a bit of tennis. Well I've just returned from hanging out a bit at the street soccer courts at the neighbourhood park near my place. Haven't played there in like three years or so haha, till Yao Yang my neighbour got me down after watching Friends. Was good fun and I got to interact a little with an odd enough mix of people ranging from obese secondary school kids to middle-aged bengs with tattoos who were smoking by the court. It was good fun and exercise but I felt a wee bit... left out because I just didn't quite fit into their lingo. But they were friendly and I was trying to be friendly too and was wary of going in too hard on the tackle hehe. Yeah they were nice blokes I guess.

Well I just have this urge to blog alot today haha so here I go. I'm trying my best not to be bothered about who reads this heh. Have had thoughts running through my head today about what I might think interesting enough to share. Naturally I am veered towards things that occupy my mind the most.

So maybe I should start with the Friends episodes I watched today. Basically it's interesting because Joey, my favourite character in the show, falls in love with his good friend Rachel. Joey's pretty cool, he's kinda like a Jughead except he's the total opposite of Jughead when it comes to dealing with girls - he's quite the Casanova. And it's interesting coming to see how he deals with actually having serious feelings for Rachel. And it's rather complicated too because Rachel at this point is pregnant having been knocked up by Ross, who is also part of the Friends clique. Yeah but besides that I was really interested in seeing how Joey came to struggle with his feelings for Rachel. And dare I say it might even have been cathartic lol lol. Oh and in the end Joey and Rachel have dinner and this is how it goes:

Joey: I think I have fallen in love with you...
Rachel: Oh Joey, I love you so much (as a friend presumably), but...
Joey (head in hands): But!...

I think I might have been close to tears during this scene because I've come to really like the character Joey. Ok maybe I exaggerate a little, but my heartstrings were tugged a little. Just felt so sad for Joey. Really felt the power of television then haha. Yeah but anyway I think love is such a crazy feeling and it's like a forbidden fruit that promises so much and can have you fluttering but can also leave you down in the dumps like, for the rest of your life haha. Not that I've experienced love or anything near it, but damn (excuse me heh) I can even sense its power from this far. Hence the retarded "poems" and random rubbish I've spouted about love. (And oh man, Love is Only a Feeling by The Darkness is such an AWESOME song, the lyrics and all. You really should check it out.)

Yeah but fascination about love aside, what plagues me and I suppose many naive, love-shorn teenagers like me are retarded crushes. I think teenage crushes are truly retarded and never should have been. I think it's just cruel. Crushes are really rather cruel. Like come on, like I don't have enough on my plate already and then a stupid retarded crush comes along. It's redundant and it's plain irritating. Sometimes I really wish I could well, just wish these truly retarded affections away. Away, away! Crushes are there to cheat, to confuse, to complicate, to consume and to confound. Blasted affections that masquerade as love and bring to unmatured/immature/seedling/naive minds hopes and dreams of a love of a lifetime/everlasting love/ blahblahblah. Yes I am really rather frustrated and sian that I am being plagued by such feelings. It's cruel. And I am struck. Drats.

But obviously it's not all bad. You've got little moments, like that bit of a rush when you see that unfortunate and hopefully unwitting one person. I think I have to say that I've done a real brill job at concealing whatever I feel and I think I really have my hold-your-horses nature (or some may simply say hum - that is, timid or put crudely, short for lacking certain spherical *ahem* anatomical parts. But whatever.) to thank. So good job Derek and I really don't see myself acting on these darned feelings because it's just not so very wise at this point, this age and this time of the year really. Or maybe it's not that big a crush afterall haha. Ya I might think it is really rather mild and WHOO I thank God, seriously. But I'm afraid I've just got to express myself a little. Hopefully you haven't read up to this point.

I certainly know where these stupid feelings stem from though. And the more I think about it, I go 'Hey perhaps it isn't all that stupid eh'. Well I was unfortunate (some would know why) to come to like this song "Fill My Little World" by The Feeling some years back and now it comes back and means a little more to me. Well I've got my little world here - my life actually, my sphere and things that happen to me. And well to fill my little world would be to presumably find someone to spend the rest of my earthly life with, and I guess pretty much everyone wants their own little worlds to be filled. It's this promise of a love that lasts a lifetime and the idea of spending the rest of my life with this special someone that's so, so, so appealing to me. It's funny, I hope everyone feels the same as me so I don't feel odd. (But it's cornroll so I guess it's not quite as awkward because I am safe behind my screen muahahah) Well at least Nickelback feels the same as me because there's "Gotta Be Someone for Me out There". Sounds really stupid but I think we might all just be waiting around (in some cases, actively seeking and in some scarier cases, predatorily hunting oh mine) for that special someone. Which is why crushes suck because they put into you ideas of spending the rest of your life with this particular person even though the better, more sensible part of me says 'no way'. And as long as that hope lingers it's tempting to imagine what it'd be like. My scene of spending my life with someone always is the car scene where I'm driving and my spouse is next to me, probably out grocery shopping or something. I don't know it seems to me the stereotypical image of a settled down, married life.

Ah there's a mouthful and I can go to sleep now. I have this rather scary thought at the back of my head that goes 'maybe its just me', but I'm rather sure a substantial number might share the same sentiments as me. Well hopefully so.














Hmm... maybe it's just me?