Fools love

Off the edges that brim the depths,
Off the security of certainty in a lone heart.
Oft the hearts of sages rim with death,
And into Man's collection of heartbreaks they log their part.

Into the murky darkness of love the bold enter -
Hearts in tandem, they plunge as one.
Yet these are hearts that feel no fear,
For they are hearts in tandem - the battle's won.

Off the edges that brim the depths,
Off the security of certainty in a lone heart.
Oft the hearts of two hurtle, perhaps
Into dangers yet conceivable by a single heart.

Into these unknown dangers the twin of hearts enter,
Hearts in tandem, they wield sword and shield.
Yet these are two hearts that stumble in fear,
For though they are hearts in tandem, each can feel still.

This is love and its most queer nature -
Hearts go a-fluttering to heights that top the tallest peaks...
Or plummet to hellish levels that sear.

Yet always it is love that all fools pick -
Fools with no armour and paucity of gear.
Fools who at a love's gaze grow weak.
Fools who for a love lost would tear,
Fools whose hearts are so bound- vulnerable to each prick.
Fools who have thoughts impeded and minds unclear,
Fools who for a lover's eyes a lifetime they seek,
But will us fools ever find somone so dear?


-Gnow Kered, on love but not in love. 29/11/2008

Yawn.

Currently halfway through the last day of CEC haha... the children are rehearsing their performance songs right now. Feeling rather tired, hopefully everything will go fine this evening during the concert.

Post #601

It is late, I should sleep. 

CEC Day 2 & 3

Lessons for the K2s at music hall!

Woo time really flies, tomorrow's already the final day of CEC! Forgot to blog about day 2 yesterday, so will make up for it today ha. I think I have a really poor memory though, memories seem to slip my mind far too easily! So the section on day 2 will probably be rather sketchy... 

Warm Ribena for drinks at breakfast... 

Well, yesterday I was leading morning worship with Jacob, and it went pretty okay. As usual, I screwed up some moves haha, and they were rather apparent I think. Brought my camera yesterday, took some pictures. 

Ah, I'm horribly distracted by the 9pm nonya show on Channel 8 now haha, can't quite blog properly. Wah the show is so sad... and so... slow-moving. 

Hmm... what else do I remember about the second day... nothing else haha. 

Lunch being prepared!

Well fast forward to today, which I actually remember significantly more about haha. Well was pretty shagged this morning, and for most of the day because I was up from 4am - 6am watching Liverpool's Champions' Lg match against Marseille. Slept through most of it actually haha, did catch Gerrard's match-winning goal in the 23rd minute though - really well-placed header. 

So yeah, hmmm morning worship went fine I guess. First music lesson that we had was for the older kids, the Primary 4-6 children, also called the VBX group. Well following my failure to connect with the younger ones - the K1s-P1s - I was kinda allocated the P3s and VBX group... call it natural selection (?) haha. 

Main sanctuary... where worship is held for everyone!

It's really cool you know, because I can connect pretty well with the VBX group... they actually understand my retarded jokes at times. Really enjoyed myself teaching them... which is a surprise really, because initially I thought that it would be harder to control or stir up enthusiasm in the older kids for the spastic dances. I'm really quite a different person on stage haha... Auntie Poh Lian commented today after PM worship that she'd always thought I was a quiet and serious boy haha. And I am, of course, at times. 

Surprised myself also with my firmness haha. I thought the P3s were really hard to handle, but I totally became a pri school teacher haha, and I commanded them to sit cross-legged, face the front, keep quiet, not turn back yadah yadah yadah. Jacob thought I resembled a certain school principal in a school he's relief-taught at -... my mum haha. 

Was really rather tired today, so I spent most of the breaks in between the music lessons sprawled across the stage sleeping haha. Quite shiok, I had Old Chang Kee serviettes for a pillow and a discarded coconut tree trunk deco (mahjong paper rolled about crushed newspaper) for a bolster. Bliss, because I actually slept and slept well while the rest of the music people were what, wasting time learning how to fight. Ha seriously, they were learning all kinds of fighting manouveurs from Jacob which was quite odd. Then in the afternoon they started doing weird physically-challenging stuff like cartwheels and handstands... things that I'd rather not attempt because 1) They are beyond my physical ability... for now... and 2) I don't wanna get injured in a stupid way haha... spraining your back doing a headstand... no thanks! 

Pictures of last year's CEC 

It's quite cool to be able to have such control over your body though. Shucks... gotta train for NAPFA next year soon. Hmm what else happened... oh yeah it was really embarrassing today because this girl came up to me and she was like "Hey I recognise you... you're the one who always makes mistakes on stage..." 

And I was like "Hahaha (sheepish laughter). Eh go join back your class go."

Ha no la I didn't ask her to join back her class... I think I just laughed sheepishly. Oh well yes I'm really still quite bad at the dances... only really comfortable with the theme song heh. So I made an extra effort to make sure I led dance well during PM worship today in front of like 200+ kids and their helpers, practised the songs during the times when Camellia, Yvonne, Yeo Min, Jacob or Mandino took the music lessons. 

Heh as usual I screwed up some parts in the end, but well it doesn't really matter it's not like I'll be punished or anything. Was heart-warming to see the children singing and praising loudly though. Oh yeah it was literally warm as well each time I went up, not just because of the spotlights but also because of our hawaiian getup haha. As in we have this zookeeper-looking shirt that we have to wear complete with a pattern containing toucans and leaves on it haha... quite hilarious but also hot because its 2 layers. And also a garland of fake cloth flowers haha. So me being easily-heated-up me, would be perspiring at the end of each worship session. 

Ah, so it's been really great so far, CEC, too bad tomorrow's the last day already! A long day too, since the children have to perform the dances we teach them for their parents to see... heh hope to see the fruits of the music team's labour! 

haha.

CEC Day 1

I AM SO TIRED! I'm at the ready-to-flop-into-bed-and-die-straightaway stage of tiredness haha. Slept the 156 journey home, and miraculously woke up the instant the bus hit the stop at my house - my instinct really kicks ass manzz.

It's reeeeaaaally tiring being around kids the whole day, its even worse trying to entertain them. It's so freaking exhausting! Haha I just yawned. Don't get me wrong though, I really enjoyed myself! Today's probably the most expressive I've been in front of a crowd haha. 

Day 1 got off to quite a bad start actually. The first few kids I met were a group of boys who were extremely naughty, I asked for their names but they refused to tell me haha. Then they tried bullying me, like shoving me around, and all I could do to respond was to smile spastically at them. Truly an idiot haha. Following that was the first morning worship and we were thrown into the deep end because we had to do our dance moves for the kids to follow in front of everyone! Obviously I haven't been very good mastering my moves so I completely screwed up, and it was quite embarrassing because I was later told (very nicely indeed) that I was like 2 seconds behind the rest movement-wise, perhaps thought-wise too haha. Totally forgot everything haha, even trying to peer at my fellow music leaders out of the corner of my eyes (hmm ok maybe it wasn't that discreet hehe) failed miserably. Felt rather down after that because it was really quite bad. 

The day got better though. We manned the music station (we will be for the whole CEC) and we had to then teach the children the moves in smaller groups during allocated timeslots. I led like the fourth timeslot I think, the group of Primary Two's (their classes were called Coral 1, Coral 2 and Coral 3) and it went pretty okay, I managed to connect with and entertain them hahaha. It was wonderful actually, and it built my confidence. 

Prior to that it was quite a disaster, because I was leading with Jacob in an earlier timeslot, and the group was the K1s, the Turtle classes. And I was really quite poor, because I couldn't connect with the young ones at all. As in, I cracked jokes that they didn't quite get, like - 

"Hey if you want to you could take off your shoes so that your flippers are not impeded!"

"So during this session I hope you all would come out of your shells!"

And the last thing I remembered saying was like - "Hey if you cross this line to the stage, you will get pulled out of your shells by the sharks that lurk here!" Quite a gruesome image come to think of it, which kinda explained the disapproving looks on their teachers' faces heh. 

Then to end off the day we had the afternoon worship session for everyone again, and I led with Jacob. Turned out much better, because at least we knew the moves far better and it turned out generally okay I think. Obviously there were some screw-ups here and there, but I believe it will get better as the camp goes on and we familiarise ourselves more. Might have sang a bit too loudly into the mike though haha, personally I quite dislike it when people totally own the sound system, its damn disturbing. Will settle this with PA. 

Oh well, tomorrow I'm leading morning worship, and I've kinda memorised the moves, but I fear everything will go blank after a night of sleep. Haha. Will sleep soon to wake up refreshed! 

Woo I think this is the normalest post I've ever seen on cornroll!

Raspberry jam

Life without Jesus... is like a donut. There's a hole in the middle of your heart. 

Like a donut... like a donut.

YES! I am thinking!

It is 12.24am, I've got a long day ahead and I'm still up thinking. 

It is not the most important condition for me in a relationship, but I think reciprocity in a relationship is a big deal. Its a big deal to me at least, and most times I find it hard to accept an unresponsive opposite. That being mentioned, I've also come to accept that it is sowed within some characters, the amount of sensitivity. People may also reciprocate in relation to how important you are in their lives. 

I don't hate people, but sometimes it's hard to love people. 

I told Ngiam over MSN last night that I would only get a girlfriend if I were mature enough to handle such a commitment of such massivity. Then he told me that we would never be mature enough, and that maturing comes as a natural process while being in a relationship. Which I thought was quite true. So maybe I'd go get a girlfriend right now... 

A thought.

If one of the Bee Gees came up to me and asked me "How deep is your love?",

I would think a bit... wonder why the band's called the Bee Gees (wiki comes to mind at this point, but I'm lazy), then reply that it really depends on which love. 

Chain posting.

Haha, I'm really on a spree. I quite like blogging, it is one of the joys in my life this moment. Quite like the fact too that I have to think when I'm on the Create A Post page. When thinking isn't a chore! 

Outrigger the trigger?

On Outrigger Island we live God's unshakeable truth,

And we figure out life is so much better when we do.

In this world full of shifting sands,

We'll stand firm in our God's commands,

And live God's unshakeable truth on Outrigger Island!

Well, that excerpt is from the theme song of this year's CEC. Its really quite cool, its a Hawaiian theme. 

Hmm I don't know, but rewind 10 years and have 7-year-old me singing the song - I wouldn't have an idea what I was singing. Maybe I was (perhaps am) a dim kid, but I really wouldn't have actually meant what I sung. I don't have anything against children singing children hymns. Perhaps when you're a child what strikes you the most is pure and raw emotion and I think the joy that the songs exude... that's enough for a child to experience God. 

That's nice.

"Yes, he's quite a nice person."

"Oh, she's a nice girl."

"But actually he's a nice boy la."

"Yep she's really nice."

"Yes, he's quite a nice person."

"Oh, she's a nice girl."

"But actually he's a nice boy la."

"Yep she's really nice."

"Yes, he's quite a nice person."

"Oh, she's a nice girl."

"But actually he's a nice boy la."

"Yep she's really nice."

"Yes, he's quite a nice person."

"Oh, she's a nice girl."

"But actually he's a nice boy la."

"Yep she's really nice."

"Yes, he's quite a nice person."

"Oh, she's a nice girl."

"But actually he's a nice boy la."

"Yep she's really nice."

When nice is rife... 

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys 'R Us kid

Today was truly an odd day. Never in my life have I danced half the day away haha. I would have uploaded pictures, but I don't have any. In my head now the songs from the CEC are playing, and I am actually don't mind that they are. I miss being a kid. 

Map of the world

"All over the world, our God is the same."

This excerpt is from one of the songs I've been practising. He reigns over all the earth!

On another note, I'd really like to see as many places in the world as I can! Fortunately I've done/am doing that quite a lot this year. Goot year!

I'm so lucky, this year I went to four countries - Indonesia, England, Vietnam and Turkey soon. I quite fancy the idea of going overseas to study actually... but its different actually living someplace else I guess.

Ah, still dreaming of being in the Kop stand at Anfield though! I think Wales/Scotland would be beautiful too... anywhere really! haha.

I am happy right now.

On to things that matter less

yet are more pressing.

It is 12.11pm, and I have been practising simple dance moves for the past hour. If you're wondering what it is for, it's for the dances we're having for the children at my church's Children's Enrichment Camp (CEC). I'm in the music comm this year. Talk about misallocation hahaha.

It is exciting though, and I am enjoying myself. Looking forward to the camp, which will start tomorrow and end on Friday! Its a day camp, so I'll still be available in the evenings.

Will be tiring. Am tired. But happy and content. Will leave home at 1.30pm for church for more dance practice. Haha.

Of late

Often it is a nagging question - to live and love or not to love at all.

Off then we go again, to take the plunge into this abyss of confusion and heartwrench.

Off the edges that brim the depths, off the security of certainty in a lone heart - into dangers that two hearts in tandem bring.

Two hearts bound together, fused by a bond founded upon the queer nature of love. And when one is punctured, if not by the other, oh how they hurtle to a dizzying drop harrowing to the bones.

Two hearts embraced together, fused by a bond founded upon the queer nature of love. And when they are ignited by elation they rise, oh yes, they rise, they soar up to dizzying heights that top the highest places on earth.

Off the edges that brim the depths, off the security of certainty in a lone heart - into joy that two hearts in tandem bring!

Of late, love has seized me. Its nature, not itself.

It is of late time, off to sleep then!

Love all, Derek to serve.

This moment I come not to talk love, or at least the kind of love that is shared between husband and wife, because I am not in love. 

Oh, by the way, my rabbit got strangled by a leash thingy today. It would have been rather saddening if it had died. It was funny, I wasn't home when it happened, it definitely was most unfortunate and might have been rather traumatic on the bbit, but fortunately my sister managed to un-entangle, or distangle or disentangle the leash in time, for she had thought bbit was performing a new trick for a while. 

Oh yes, that's a little random snippet there. Let me move on to things more important in life, yet not too pressing. Not yet at least, not for me at this point in time for love (of the BGR sort) has yet to come knocking on my heart's door (most queer and poor expression), and rather fortunately too. 

Then you question why I might want to talk about love, what I want to do with this post. Well, I am not talking love, as I've mentioned earlier, for I do not know what it is. I want to do nothing with this post, I'm just feeling like I'd want to think a bit about what life might present in the future (perhaps near future?). 

So, I don't know, here I am, a noob and oddball all of 17 years old, probably the least suited person in the world to be having a post on love. Lol, but I'll try to see how I may be able to express my opinion on love.

I daren't say I'm talking love, I stress again, for I am unsure of what it is. That's why I claim that I am not talking love. I might be confusing you, I am not quite sure the point I am making too. But let's move on haha. 

Let me clarify things first ( the voice in my head says "move on!" but ziding replies with a curt "quiet!"). I am NOT in love. haha.

It's not that I do not want to fall in love though. I think it's quite a wonderful thing, to shower all my affections upon a girl (a most unfortunate one?) and live in a 二人世界. I think it sounds good, and it may actually be good. 

But right now I haven't found anyone and I don't wish to too, for I am far too ill-equipped to handle such a massive commitment! I'd only get attached if I am sure that I want to marry the person and spend the rest of my life with her! Well it sounds good, but I really hope that I'd be able to do it. I'm actually quite excited when I contemplate the idea of having a life partner. It's sickening that I'm this sentimental. Yuck. 

I probably wouldn't have been doing a post like this a year ago. I think I have matured a fair bit this year in junior college in the presence of girls, creatures still very much unknown to me though. 

Yes but saying that I feel that I am not matured to the extent of having a... what's that, a girlfriend you say? Yes I am ill-equipped emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally. Haha I am still very much a kid and I know it. I'd like to think that I am more mature than I think I am, but I think I am not hahahah. I still am very much bound to my impulse at times, and I think a serious, matured relationship needs to be founded upon patience, understanding, sacrifice, communication, LOVE and most importantly, God. 

So I entrust this area of my life into his hands, and hope haste on the part of my human nature does not make my heart paste. Till then, I'll taste the rest that's in life and seek to eradicate the waste that is around me. Waste, in the human form. 

It is exciting though, this life. Life is good! 

On #584, On love, On tv at 11pm to catch Pool.

I'm on post number five hundred and eighty four, this post is on love, and I'm turning on the telly at 11pm later on to catch Liverpool send Fulham packing at Anfield. 

Right now, my insides are churning courtesy of 2 small bowls of curry wolfed down at Bethesda Hall. Curry + Bread, a lethal combination alright, can't resist no I can't. If you think I am typing weird, well I am and it is because I haven't done a post in ages and I'm taking time to get used to doing my thang again. 

Great, now the wailing baby within hearing distance has stopped, I can start my post proper. 

It is now 9.38pm, and I am tired. Would have joined the YP people for the weekly Saturday dinner, but was really quite shagged and made an early and uncharacteristic exit. I'm usually pretty enthusiastic about outings and being together with people you see, because I like being with people, even if I'm quiet and seemingly uninvolved. 

Okay, I have to ensure this post doesn't veer into me rambling into me explaining what kind of person I am again, I guess I've mentioned enough on that in earlier posts.

Haha just checked back a sentence and read the above sentence. You see, I'm really quite tired and might not be too precise grammatically in this post. Not that I usually am though. It scares me, the thought of not being able to express myself one day. Just random. 

Oh, by the way I need a new pair of spectacles for I have a missing rubber pad. It still is wearable but it is slanted when I wear it. 

And on love, I have nothing to say about it. Haha, for I am not of adequate maturity just yet. 

It is 9.47pm now.

Phuc Tuo moments.

Why I wasn't born a girl... and Edwin too.

Hey everyone. This is interesting, because this is what I'd have looked like as a boy in the 60s...

This is what I'd would have looked like as a girl... in the 60s... asthmatic patients have your inhalers at hand...

And this....

is what Edwin looks like today!

Sorry it's 3.36am and I'm bored. 

Haha Edwin you must have had quite a shock. 

My body... it aches and creaks

I have a low tolerance for physical activity. I have a sore left arm because I was shooting basketballs on Saturday. 

So weak... another reminder that I'm human!

Took a left off laugh's last lane!

A.P.P - A picture post!

*edit - oh the pictures actually do enlarge when you click on them! 

It's been a long time since I've uploaded pictures onto cornroll. So here's photos taken on the last day of the school year, courtesy of Jiayun!

ah I hate blogger, the images uploaded appear so small!

one out of the series of failed jumpshots...

rjc to ri(jc)? To be honest I'm not really bothered...

Mr Tay, our beloved Math teacher, and us waving goodbye to him (not for goot I hope!) Never thought I'd use beloved and Math in a sentence, but there you go. I have failed chu, Mr Tay! 

Singing karaoke in class with the truly nutty Koo. 
This is Tiko, cheeky as ever.

*Flattens standing hair. Haha ok this is koo being totally weird. A real riot though. 

Dodgeball in class... with stress balls...

Ah, RJC, what a ride it's been so far. 

#577

Wow, it's already post number five hundred and seventy seven on cornroll. Wasn't too long ago I hit 500! Time passes really, really quick. J1's been too fast! Now that the year, or at least the school year, is over proper, I think I can start recounting what '08 has been like for me. Although of course, there's LOTS to look forward to during the EOY hols - Vietnam! CEC! Turkey! Camp Xmas! Humanz Xmas Party! 

Well well, what a year it has been, nothing I've ever experienced before in my 17 years. Can't quite remember what I did prior to p4, memories are extremely hazy! p5-p6 years were awkward, sec1-4 generally forgettable. then along came j1. 

I don't usually commit things to memory, but I don't think I have to remember what the year has been like, because these most pleasant memories come flooding my mind the moment I think of '08. Sure, it's had its ups and downs (most typical), but the ups sure outweigh and outnumber the downs, to the extent that the downs weigh nothing at all in comparison! Can't quite single out a single bad, extremely bad memory this year, I'm fortunate my mind works this way. Wouldn't like to fish out any too though. 

Gosh, on another note, today I fell sick for the first time in a long while. Not sore throat kinda sick, but weak and feverish kind of sick. But I'm feeling fine now, even though it's 1.20am and I really should get my sleep. I think I must work my way through this post!

Yeah, goooooot year indeed. This year I came to converse with fellow beings, this year I came to find out much much more about both derek and ziding, this year I drew closest to God. 

(Woo my stomach's funny now. Had some weird pudding drink today which was 1/3 carnation milk! Gosh!)

Today I count my blessings, and God has been most merciful to me! 

I thank God for the people in my life right now. Even those whom I find hard to love. I know it's often mentioned, not always meant. But I'd really want to think that I mean it when I say I am grateful for EVERYONE God has placed in my path. Well obviously there's my class, this has been said quite abit. 1A has been a blessing to me, but I'd really want to know all my classmates better. Doesn't help that I'm not the most urbane and socially adept creature around hehe. Yeah, I want to get to know my classmates better on the Humanz Trip. 

Besides 1A there's also been the friends I've made in Reuben's church during YP. People like Joel, Bak, Lydia Sng, Cedric, Jonathan, Li Ling, Lisa, Seng Hean, Nicholas, James, Ren An, Xin An, Jordan, Danna... people who have really helped me grow spiritually this year and draw closer to God. I am thankful for them. 

Recently I've been a little troubled by my inability to connect with people, especially girls. I feel jittery, I feel uncomfortable, I feel ill at ease sometimes when I talk to people. But I guess I've come to accept it as my nature, and I think I'll just do more listening for now haha. 

This year my inadequacies have also hit me harder in the presence of crazily-talented people haha. And honestly I've had my struggles with them sometimes, but now I can say that I've had them. I think I've come to accept what God has given me, albeit not totally at the moment. It's a process. 

Hehe this is a most contemplative post. I will continue contemplating. 

Okay, what else is there to ponder upon... 

Hmm now that I've more or less considered the past... will move on to the future! 

It's quite interesting to eventually know who I will marry. I think marriage is at once both beautiful and rather scary. It's quite a commitment... isn't it? haha. Well a certain side of me thinks that it may be kinda interesting and cool to have a girlfriend at this point of time, because well, it's nice to have someone fussing over you hahaha (which my mum and sis don't do quite a lot of I guess). And I think it's cool to be able to have someone so close to you. 

BUT BUT BUT (that's 3 big buts for you) the better sense and side of me feels that I'd only get a girlfriend if I were certain I'd want her to be my wife, which really is the point of gettting a girlfriend isn't it? ("No," says most of the world). Yes I'd only get a girlfriend if I'm 101% sure and its going to be 101% steady. But then you say, no, that can never be possible. Yes that is quite true, for it is never going to be certain. But I assure you what's impossible by Man's standards is totally possible by God's power. So I entrust this portion of my life (okay, my love life - whatever's existing of it) into His hands. 

FOR NOW, I will think of better things to do, like 

一件礼物

1。有一件礼物，你收到没有，
眼睛看不到，你心会知道，
这一件礼物，心门外等候，
是为了你准备，别人不能收。

副歌：生命有限，时光也会走，
如果你不珍惜，机会难留，
礼物虽然好，如果你不要，
你怎么能够得到，
怎么能得到？

2。亲爱的朋友，你是否想到，
马槽的婴孩，是为你而来，
亲爱的朋友，你是否了解，
最好的礼物是人子主耶稣。

Project Works.

Well it's a long overdue post following the demise of PW in my life. I'm glad it's over, but I'm glad I had it too, for it was quite a wonderful experience... at times like these:

the stayovers...

"See that? The next time you skip a stone..."

"Bangle-desh? Bangle-desh?"...

"Eh Kristie you still look very fierce..."

Ying Jing's laughing fits...

Koo's stupid faces...

Koo epitomizing "bull in a china-shop" in Jiayun's cosy room...

YJ's burgers...

Jiayun's scary emails...

Koo the talk show host...

"Eh Derek can you talk more or not..."

Koo's strawberries and grapes...

"Eh Ying Jing sms who ah?"

"Eh Kristie can you smile?"

Jiayun's iMac and Mickey Mouse laptop cover with a keychain of Disney characters...

Koo's screwed up laptop...

Koo acting gay...

Jiayun - "Okay these 2 weeks don't eat chocolate, drink more water..."

Kristie the newscaster...

Jiayun the newscaster...

Eating at Kenny Roger's... hahaha

Breakfast at Breadtalk...

XIN YUAN TRANSCRIPT... ALL 30000 WORDS OF IT... WILL NV FORGET...

"Okay this time at NVPC keep it short..."

Skipping Stones, Surpassing Loans... actually till now I still don't get what it means... heh sry group

the powerpoint which I contributed nothing at all to...

Koo's drawings...

Lynette Lim!

Michael Low... 

These were our roles in RJ252:

(in alphabetical order heh)

Derek: most reserved, most slack

Jiayun: group leader, driving force,  tier of loose ends, mighty mouse, "let's stayover!"

Kristie: "jiayun, it's okay...", "jiayun, how about we do this...", "zhengxuuuan! hahaha", most collected, most newscaster

Koo: group catalyst, bridge between derek and girls, talk show host, most interesting, most noisy, most talkative, most lively, most temperamental 

Ying Jing: most happy, most willing, most nice, kuromi, most generous

RJ252... I will remember! Thanks jiajingkoolai for making my J1 life easier! 

No, but it was really quite awesome -

realizing how we could come to work together, 

sympathizing and emphatizing  with each other while transcribing the XY interview,

and most importantly establishing and forming ties. ^^

To tears I am moved.

Like an asymptote.

You're like an asymptote I tend to, but our graphs will never intersect because our equations will never have an answer in common. 

Am I brilliant or what??? hehehe. Fancy something as heart-wrenching as this stemming from cold, cold Math. 

Hehe so while I beam and bask in my achievement, I'd want to move on to things that are more important and need to be tended to first. 

I watched two movies today, High School Musical 3 and Quantum of Solace. They were somewhat entertaining, esp. 007, but that was that. Burnt $14.50 and suffered from a bit of a backache from too much sitting down. 

I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I will go and sleep soon. 

And I thank God for touching my heart today, in a way He's never done before! 

Sleep little pigeon, close your eyes.

Sleep, little pigeon and fold your wings, Little blue pigeon with velvet eyes.

Sleep to the singing of mother bird swinging, Swinging the nest where her little one lies

Away out yonder I see a star, Silvery star with a tinkling song

To the soft dew falling I hear it calling, Calling and tinkling the night along.

I want to be a baby, and I want to be sang to sleep. 

Well but on the other hand I look forward to naming my baby daughter Faith next time. I think it's a wonderful name. 

I will go sleep now. 

Happy holidays!

Today's officially the first day of the holidays. I woke up at 12, mucked around a bit, watched the Simpsons movie (and figured that it was where the monkey-playing-cymbals-in-Homer's-head-scene was), followed it up with Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

And now I will make history by going on a run. It's 5.41pm now, my head feels groggy. Maybe exercise will help.

Mission I-don't-want-to-go-for-NS-2months-earlier starts now. Sianzzzz.

I think I think I don't think.

That sentence above actually makes perfect sense, and I'm actually patting myself on my back for having crafted it. 

I don't think. I know I don't think. There was once this Simpsons episode when Marge was talking to Homer and in his mind was a monkey playing the cymbals. I thought it was pretty hilarious, and the image emerges in my mind more often these days when I reflect upon my erm, non-contemplative nature. 

I recognize that it's a good thing, and others do too. For it more or less leaves me with a significantly less number of worries than most people, and I am more often than not happy, content and blissful. 

But you know, being the thinking person that I am, I analyse and realize that there are definitely drawbacks to this mind of mine. Well, for one, I certainly suffer on the acadamic side of things, esp in the Humanz Programme where I am required to scrutinize every single detail and make sensible, logical arguments. And well, RJC is supposed to develop thinkers. So I lose out here. Call it lazy, call it irresponsible, but I am not cut out for the world of academia. I will never be an academic. I would rather be happy you see. And I know I would too. 

It's just me, I don't especially crave for knowledge. And I don't think I have a particular thirst for reading and knowing. I know this will not put me in good stead for my studies, but I think there are more important things in life. I am sick and tired of having to back up everything with evidence, making sure there are no contradictions and loopholes. I hate argument. Why argue? If only to have yourself above another, to prove yourself more worthy. And attack this for all I care, I dont care to defend it because your opinions don't matter to me. 

I am disguted, I am disappointed, I am sad that people actually seek solace in intellect and derive a perverse enjoyment from it. It is perverse, because it is selfish, it is without emotion. 

It gnaws at me as I create this post, because I have dragged myself into the mud. I'm sorry. But I hope I've made my point. 

I think I have. 

When will I see your face again?

Because when I do, the chains start welding, and I don't want to be bound! Ah, to be chained in. It is horrible, and it's not even for a noble or worthy cause. 

I must rise above this, and I know there is only one way. 

Yes, it's that time of the night when I'm all snippety again! 

Maturity.

When I look at the posts I created in secondary school, I think I have grown up since. That's not to say, however, that I would never go back to my childish self. I still do, rather regularly. Not on cornroll recently though. 

My childhood's gone, I feel loss. Adulthood beckons, and I shudder at the thought. But life goes on. I'm not emo, I'm just thinking. It's the time of the night!

Could not contact Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Retrying...

Sometimes,

I wonder how people look in front of the computer screen when they blog. 

Well if you're wondering, I'm lying prostrate on the sofa but with my head and chin up. I haven't showered since coming home at around 9, and I feel like I'm wasting my life away. My expression's rather blank. 

I am tired. 

Cornroll the time-keeper.

Cornroll is where I am me, cornroll is where my thoughts run free. 

Cornroll also keeps me aware of my sense of time, for it tells me how fast time pasts. 

And I know that this life is just a flash, a flicker, a snap, a snippet, a moment. 

How to use it, how to spend it?

In the meantime, time runs. 

I fear, and I Fear. 

To fall short.

Lately I have been able to draw many things from Liverpool's fortunes. 

Liverpool have slipped up yet again, and I'm afraid I have too. 

Was really really disappointed when Pavlyuchenko stuck the ball into the back of Reina's net, switched off the telly as soon as it happened. Gutted, really. 

(Oh, and anyway 'gutted' is my favourite word when I'm describing my disappointment. I think it's British slang, because I came across it years ago in this soccer magazine Match. The price of the publication would give an idea of how long ago that would be, because Match now costs a good few dollars more.)

Today I wasn't quite in a buoyant (Krkic) mood, due in part to the Liverpool result, but more so due to my sleeping hours. Stayed up till 3plus to catch the match and was totally exhausted, and I winded up waking up at 2-freaking-pm today! Didn't quite feel good for the rest of the day, in fact I am still feeling lethargic and having a heavy head at this moment, 11.06pm. I'm sorry to all I came into contact with today, wasn't quite in the best of moods. 

I have also been feeling (but fortunately not quite expressing) moods unfamiliar to me - anger, jealousy, discontent, confusion, disappointment. It usually doesn't happen to me, but lately I have seen the roots of a breakdown forming in one of my friendships, and it puzzles me. But I remind myself to keep strong in faith, and entrust all my friendships into God's hands. I find it hard to love  certain people who are in my life right now, but I am reminded of how God could have a love so deep and so unconditional for Man so sinful in their ways. 

Sometimes I detest that I am human and bound so much to my sinful nature and so vulnerable to the whims of the world and temptations and traps set by the devil. And as I write this now I think of how people might come to have a different view of my blog and think that I am a true nutter because of my beliefs. And I would be lying to say I'm unaffected by that. But I'm publishing this post because I would like to think that I am not bound to this world and its flawed perceptions. 

It's a real test, this life!